You must be this tall to be president.

Hello folks,

Long time, no update.

Sorry about the lack of new stuff here. More will be coming. I somewhat promise! In the meantime, please check out this very silly, very short story I wrote.

What happens when President Obama gets a hold of a time machine and uses for his own political gain? A bunch of funny stuff, I guess.

The book is available on the Kindle for just $2.99 and the proceeds go towards the final expenses for the late, great Christina Monaco. Christina was a small contributor to this site and designed the awesome logo that sits atop this page!

The story is available to all Kindle users by clicking here. 

Here’s an exclusive excerpt:


The president laid in bed next to the first lady. She was fast asleep but he was anything but. He just couldn’t nod off, and this time it wasn’t Michelle’s vegetable farts keeping him awake. He knew he really hurt his campaign with his performance that night. He would lose the swing voters, his base wouldn’t be fired up enough to turn up at the polls like they had in 2008 and he would go down in the record books as a one term failure.


If only he hadn’t been so tired. Why did they have to schedule the debate the same day as his wedding anniversary? Why had he scheduled the section 536 meeting for the same day? It was that stupid 536 meeting that was the problem. Not only did he feel it was a waste of time, it ran long with that Time Machine.


Time Machine… hmmm.


Obama knew it was a bad idea. You can’t mess with the space time continuum, anyone who watches sci-fi knows that.


But what harm could going back just a couple of hours do?


Maybe it was sound reasoning or just lack of sleep, but Obama made up his mind. He got up, put on his official White House snuggie, and made his way to the oval office.

Obama entered the unlit Oval Office and made his way to the pile of discarded inventions. Luckily the cleaning lady hadn’t been through yet. The waste basket was still full of discarded memos and his desk was still covered in Doritto crumbs… but then the president took pause. He hadn’t been eating Dorrittos.


As Obama went over to his desk to investigate the chair suddenly swiveled around, revealing Vice President Joe Biden.


Obama jumped back, startled. He hadn’t been this surprised since the supreme court upheld Obamacare.

“What are you doing in here, Joe?”


“Oh, just trying out the chair,” Biden replied with a sigh, “After your horrible performance at the debate I thought this might be my only chance to see what it feels like to sit in the Oval Office behind this desk.”


“You always just say what’s on your mind, don’t you?”


“I’m Sorry Barry, you know that the part of brain that allows discretion was damaged when the doctors botched my hair implants.”


The two stood in the darkness of the office for a second. Sharing a awkward moment of silence.


“Say,” Biden finally broke silence, but not the awkwardness, “what are you doing in here at this hour? Are you going to bomb Iran to get your approval rating up? Or better yet, are you going to resign so I can have a turn at being president for a couple of months before Romney moves in?”


“Um… no,” Obama struggled to come up with an excuse, “I just came in here to look for Bo.”


“Oh,” Biden said with disappointment, “Why did you name your dog after my son anyway?”


“We’ve been through this already. What makes more sense? A dog named Bo or a person named Beau?”


“I named him Beau because I thought he was a gift from god, and gifts have bows on them. Also it’s rhymes with Joe, that’s my name.”


“Yeah… wonderful.”


“I don’t think your dog is in here. You know he growls uncontrollably whenever I’m near him.”


“Huh,” Obama had forgotten his own lie he just told a few moments ago, he just wasn’t good at fibbing. How did Romney make it seem so easy? “Oh, right. Um… since I’m in here I might as well get some paperwork done.”


“Okay.” Biden replied, but continued to sit at the desk.


The two just stared at each other for a moment.


“I need my desk Joe…”


“Oh, right. Sorry, Barry. I’ll just return to the ladies room you let me use as an office.”

And then, finally, Biden left the office and Obama was alone to use the time machine.



Once again, the book can be yours just by giving a click here!


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