Recently it was all over the news that people were claiming that The Cat in the Hat and Mr. Potatohead had been cancelled. Besides not being real people, nether were actually “cancelled,” rather it seems to be just manufactured fake outrage to distract us as half of the political institution attempts to take away standard human rights like voting. But, there are some people that deserve to be “cancelled.”  Here, in order by pinky toe size, is four of those people:

Karl “The Mailman” Malone

Mr. Malone played the basketball, and I guess was quite good at it, earning the nickname of The Mailman because he always delivered.  He had quite the NBA career, during his 19 seasons he never averaged less than 13 points per game. He’s the second the highest scorer of all time and even once beat the great Michael Jordon for MVP.  He also raped and impregnated and 13 year old girl while he was in college.

Malone paid off the family of the girl and then refused to have anything to do with his son saying that he grew up without a father and was fine. What a nice guy.

Boy George

George Alan O’Dowd, better known as Boy George, had two hit songs and somehow managed to live the last 30+ years off of that. He was even named one of the greatest Britons in a 2002 poll by the BBC. Six years later he handcuffed a man to a wall fixture and beat him with a metal chain.

Mr. O’Dowd has had a long history with drugs, even being arrested in 2005 for suspicion of cocaine possession and reporting a fake burglary in New York City for which he was sentenced to work at the Department of Sanitation. It would seem cocaine played a roll here too.

On the date of the incident, they were both taking cocaine when O’Dowd accused the victim of trying to hack his computer. After handcuffing him to an undisclosed wall fixture, O’Dowd beat him with a metal chain. O’Dowd then retrieved a box of leather straps and sex toys telling him: “Now you’re going to get it.”

Luckily, the victim was able to rip the wall fixture out of the wall and escape before finding out what “it” was.  Mr. O’Dowd was sentenced to 15 months in prison for his actions.

Since than, Boy George has toured, appeared as a judge on the UK version of The Voice, performed at a Stand up to Cancer fundraiser and signed a new record deal with BMI.

David Bowie/Mick Jagger/Jimmy Paige

I guess it’s not a surprise that rock stars would have some shady pasts. These three are no exception, but are tied together in the unique way that they all are accused of statutory rape of the same woman.

Lori Maddox says when she first met David Bowie at the age of 15 he scared her, yet 5 months later she lost her virginity to him.

Ms. Maddox seemed to have a taste for old rock guys, because she would also take drugs with Iggy Pop, did shots with John Bonham, and had sex with Mick Jagger in a bathroom, all while still a minor. Based on the information we have, it would seem she was a willing participant in all of this, but as anyone watches Law and Order: Special Victims Unit knows, it doesn’t matter if she’s underage.

As bad as those were, Jimmy Paige gets the crown for the worse treatment of Ms. Maddox. In order to keep his relationship a secret  he kept her locked up in his hotel room while on tour, making him not only guilty of rape, but probably unlawful imprisonment. He eventually grew tired her and let her go.

Long live Rock n’ Roll.

John Stamos

Of the cast of Full House, most people would probably assume that Bob Saget was the actor that least likely should of been casted in a family sitcom. With his raunchy stand-up career, it seemed like a weird fit, but it worked, and at least he never helped a friend rape someone.

In 2005 John Stamos gloated to Jane magazine about how he got his friend laid using some very dubious, and illegal, methods. It seems his friend fancied a woman, but that woman fancied Mr. Stamos. Quite the love triangle, so what to do?

Well, in Mr. Stamos’ own words:

“So the girl came back to my hotel, and I turned the lights down, and we started making out. I said, ‘Hold on a second, I’ve gotta go brush my teeth.’ It was dark, I left the room, and I sent in my friend who looked like me. And she thought she was having sex with me, but she was really having sex with my friend.”

What a bro.

John Stamos continues to get work, including the recent Netflix revive of Full House.

There are others that I could include on this list (I’m looking at you Chris Brown), but felt like these are some of the lesser known offences.