I get a lot of emails, with a lot of questions. The most asked question unfortunately has to be, "Wouldn't you like to impress your girlfriend?" But the second most question without a doubt is, "Cheesegod, is civilization declining or inclining? Please show your work." Well, how can I ignore my adoring fans' questions? So here is my answer... to the second question... I'll try that "enhancement" drug later.

Friends, civilization is on the decline. The proof is all around us. Want a specific one? How about the theme song for the New York Mets?

In 1962 the Mets played their first game and introduced their first theme song. Meet the Mets is a nice little ditty imploring fans to watch the new team in NY, featuring such words as "Meet the Mets, Meet the Mets, come to the park and greet the Mets."

In 1986 the Mets were on their way to a World Series victory, and they needed a song to go along with it. Lets Go Mets Go was a song that featured such cleverly written lyrics as "Where there's a Mets Man, you'll find a Mets Fan," and choruses of "Do it" and of course the nonsensical "Lets Go Mets Go" chant... the extra Go is there for extra support I suppose.

Now, 20 years later, the Mets are well on their way to another playoff appearance, and I suppose they felt they needed another theme song to reflect on these times. So the Hip Hop tune "Our Team, Our Time." This song features lyrics that state such ingenious observations like, "We score the runs, runs. We get the hits, hits."

And here is your lovely audio clip, for you to enjoy. You can hear the world getting dumber as the song progresses. Press the play button to start the audio clip.

Labels: mets, mp3

It's been another fun week in the world of Kitty litter! Let's take a look at the clumping action:

First up, last Saturday in California a truck carrying two tons of the Feline bathroom substance overturned on the Golden State Freeway. Two lanes had to be shut down for four hours while the litter mess was cleaned up by professionals.

While no stray cats were seen taking advantage of the spill, it would of been no biggie if they had. The fine men and women cleaning up the mess could of just used the new Litter Robot. This fine contraption turns your cat's waste into wonderful colored balls! Now you can turn your only somewhat exciting litter box can be an extremely joyful gumball machine (Note: Don't eat or chew the balls it dispenses). Best of all this fine piece of technology can be yours for just $579!

A fair warning however, this sphere of fun will most likely not be able to handle cats 15 lbs or bigger. Also diabetic cats will leave clumps too big for it too handle. Of course, your cat may also be afraid to go in it since the damn thing looks like the friggin' Death Star.

And finally in Jeanette, PA a 78 year old woman is taking a 14 year old boy to court for meowing at her. No lie. Why, you may ask, is this boy harassing this poor women with his meowing? Revenge, of course. The boy's parents made him get rid of his pet cat after she complained the cat was using her flower garden as a litter box.

The funniest, or perhaps saddest, part of this story is that the graphic to the right with the cat and handcuffs is from an actual TV news website.

Sources:
CBS 2 California
Gizmodo
WPXI

Labels: kitty litter

Right now on Weird Al's myspace you can download a song of his new ALbum for free."Don't Download This Song" is about stealing music (duh). Also check out the banned "Your Pitiful" while there. Finally, myspace ia no longer a total piece of crap! Now it's just, like, 99.99% or something. Here the linky:
Wierd Al's My Space page.
Purchase the new ALbum here

UPDATE:
A better quality version can be found here and the music video currently be watched here.

Labels: mp3, myspace, weird al

A Quick time out to review a few of the new soda's we have on our local market's shelves this summer:

	Vault Coke found an abundance of the 7 year gone Surge cola and has rebbottled it as Surge
	Tab Energy Drink Tab. In the eighties it was a horrible tasting soda that was rumoured to cause cancer. Now it's a horrible tasting energy drink that makes you wish you had cancer.
	Pepsi Jazz "Jazz is like Jello Pudding Pop, no actually it's more like Kodak Film, no actually Jazz is like the New Coke, it'll be around forever... heh heh heh."

Conclusion: When are they bringing back Mountain Dew Live Wire?

Labels: cosby, jazz, mountain dew, pepsi, simpsons, soda, surge

Terror spread through the people of New York City again when terrorists once again unleashed an attack on the streets of Manhattan... kind of.

Using instructions that can be found on such terrorist friendly websites like youtube, terrorists were able to make an horrendous combination of Mentos and Diet Coke to cause an “explosion” of soda foam.

“Well, the streets kind of got a little sticky I suppose,” terror victim Joe Orsulak told us, “But then again the streets are always kind of sticky around here.

Officials took instant measure by banning all liquids and mints from the city of New York, even though only diet sodas can cause this “explosion”.

“It can't hurt anyone to be too safe,” Mayor Bloomberg told us from his new solid gold throne he had built in Times Square, “if the banning of liquids proves to unsuccessful in stopping these attacks, we will simply have to ban people as well.”

Many New Yorkers passed out and and to be hospitalized due to dehydration causing some to question the liquid ban. Bloomberg and other government officials simply waved them off saying they were “unpatriotic, flag burning, Al Queida loving liberals.”

“I don't really see what the big deal is,” onlooker Craig Montana shrugged, “You could pretty much get the same effect by turning on a garden hose.”

Labels: bloomberg, coke, mentos, nyc, soda, terrorists

These strips originally ran in October 1989. While Garfield is never funny, these were are intentionally not humorous. These rather dark comics puts Garfield in a position of loneliness and starvation.

Some of theorized that Garfield actually is dieing in these strips and that every strip after this is just delusions of his mind. As pointed out in the last strip Garfield's only defense against starvation and loneliness is "denial".

Of course the most likely scenario is that this just a nightmare Garfield is having and he wakes up at the end and lives his life happily. It has been said that Garfield creator Jim Davis had just had someone close to him die and he wrote these as sort of a self therapy.

SOURCE:
YTMND
Wikipedi
Official Garfield Website

Labels: comics, death, garfield, starve

In the tradition of Freddy Vs Jason & Alien Vs Predator comes...

Coming soon to a theatre near you... maybe... probably not.

Labels: cujo, lassie

Labels: internet, ted stevens, tubes