Everything that receives hype is always a let down. The final episode of Seinfeld, the 2007 Mets, the 2004 election, that peanut butter sandwich I ate last night.... So when I sat down last night to watch Cloverfield, the new monster flick from Lost creator J.J. Abrams, I wasn't expecting much.The hype started back in July when the first trailer for the movie showed up on Transformers. The trailer featured a severed Statue Liberty Head flying across the streets on New York City disrupting a going away party. It featured no title, just the date 1-18-08. The film was codenamed Cloverfield and for months everyone on the internet buzzed about what this movie could possibly be. Then, they named the movie Cloverfield... so that killed a little bit of excitement right there. Then posters, commercials, and anything else that you can use for advertising all seemed to feature that headless Statue of Liberty. I began to wonder if that was the only thing the movie had going for it, that they had nothing else cool to show from the movie and therefor just kept showing that one scene. Finally, when the buzz on the internet started wondering if the movie would even ever show the monster responsible for decapitating national landmarks, I came to the conclusion that this film was just a cross between Godzilla and Blair Witch. And that wouldn't excite anyone. And, lets face it, many people have felt let down my Lost over the last season or two, so it seems Abrams would have experience in this.
But perhaps it was because I had killed all my positive expectations before I even started watching the movie is why I enjoyed it. Although Blair Witch meets Godzilla is still an accurate description, it did not suck like those two aforementioned movies.
Cloverfield, disguised as a classified government tape found in the site formally known as Central Park, is indeed a film about a couple of youngins getting their party disrupted by a mysterious monster while documenting the entire thing with a camcorder (By the way, this camcorder has to have the best surround sound I've ever heard, you'd think having only a singular microphone would give you nothing more than mono sound.). The camcorder gimmick gives us a more personable feel to the characters and the situation in the film, trying to make us feel like we could be right there with them and, overall, a more realistic feel to it.
The film keeps up a good amount of suspense as the characters try to rescue the main star's love interest from her midtown apartment. Although one could argue, as I am right now I guess, that the main star in the film is the monster and the destruction he (she?) causes . The characters presented in the movie aren't bad, but there's not exactly anything new or overly interesting about them. The most likable character, and possibly not coincidentally, is the one you see least. Hud, the guy operating the camcorder, is kind of like Moose from the Archie comics. Although, I have not figured out why he is named after the department of Housing and Urban Development.
I will not to go into too much details, as the the makers of the film seemed to want to keep everyone in the dark about it up until now. Plus much of the movie's suspense and action kind of rely on the "what's going to happen next" feel. But, yes you do see the monster.
So, anyway, yes, I recommend checking this movie out. It's a lot better than 27 dresses at least.
Labels: archie, cloverfield, mets, movies, reviews
¶ 12:08:00 PM
It's pretty amazing how a sports team can effect your mood. As a Mets fan, I've pretty bummed out so far this week. They've lost 5 in a row, while the second place Phillies have won 6 in a row to pull up within 2 games of first place. I don't know why such a thing should bother any sane person. It's not like we, the fans, have any real control over what happens. The best we can do is buy a hot dog while at the game to help pay off Carlos Delgado's salary.
It's an odd bond between fan and team. You watch the team play every day, get to almost feel like you know each player. They have no clue who you are, and they don't care. You can cheer, rant, or cry all you want they're not going to win a game for you. They're playing because they want to win, not because you want to.
I suppose it's not much different than watching an action movie. Except in a movie, you know the good guy is going to win in the end. In baseball, there's no such guarantee. Every fan thinks their team is the good guy. There isn't really any bad guys (except for Barry Bonds). Everyone hates the Yankees and could possibly define them as the villains of baseball, but the Yankee fans would probably disagree with you.
So, logically we should all just be able to sit back and enjoy the game and not worry so much. Yeah, right....
Labels: barry bonds, baseball, mets, yankess
¶ 10:19:00 AM 
In the past there have been such memorable baseball theme nights has disco demolition night, nude night, all you can eat seats, and Drexel's Class Appreciation night. Well, I made that last one up, but the rest are real, I assure you.Also real is the promotion the Mets Single-A affiliate Savannah Sand Gnats are hosting tonight. "Lindsay Lohan Drunk Driving Awareness Night" promises to educate baseball fans about the dangers of drunk driving by using Lindsay Lohan as an example.
Their methods are a little weak though. They'll have a wrecked car from a drunk driving accident on display and people doing Blood Alcohol tests. If they really wanted to get people to not copy Linsay Lohan they should just screen her latest crap-trap movie, "I Know Who Killed Me." That'd scar me enough to never leave the house again.
Labels: alcohol, drunk, lindsay lohan, mets
¶ 12:13:00 PM 
, or if the Mets lost.
Labels: daily news, mets, misprint
¶ 10:15:00 AM 
¶
10:22:00 AM 
I get a lot of emails, with a lot of questions. The most asked question unfortunately has to be, "Wouldn't you like to impress your girlfriend?" But the second most question without a doubt is, "Cheesegod, is civilization declining or inclining? Please show your work." Well, how can I ignore my adoring fans' questions? So here is my answer... to the second question... I'll try that "enhancement" drug later.Friends, civilization is on the decline. The proof is all around us. Want a specific one? How about the theme song for the New York Mets?
In 1962 the Mets played their first game and introduced their first theme song. Meet the Mets is a nice little ditty imploring fans to watch the new team in NY, featuring such words as "Meet the Mets, Meet the Mets, come to the park and greet the Mets."
In 1986 the Mets were on their way to a World Series victory, and they needed a song to go along with it. Lets Go Mets Go was a song that featured such cleverly written lyrics as "Where there's a Mets Man, you'll find a Mets Fan," and choruses of "Do it" and of course the nonsensical "Lets Go Mets Go" chant... the extra Go is there for extra support I suppose.
Now, 20 years later, the Mets are well on their way to another playoff appearance, and I suppose they felt they needed another theme song to reflect on these times. So the Hip Hop tune "Our Team, Our Time." This song features lyrics that state such ingenious observations like, "We score the runs, runs. We get the hits, hits."
And here is your lovely audio clip, for you to enjoy. You can hear the world getting dumber as the song progresses. Press the play button to start the audio clip.
¶
9:35:00 PM I entered the front door of my house and was immediately taken back by how many people were in the house. The living room was wall to wall with guests. I guess when the pope is visiting people will find any excuse to stop by.
As I visually searched the crowd, hoping to find anyone I might recognize I saw none other than Michael Moore with a midget on his shoulders. I think he recognized me at the same time, because as soon as I saw him he dropped to his knees.
"Hello," Moore said in his best Oliver Twist impersonation, "I'm here to see the pope."
I shook his hand in a gesture to show that I had recognized him and his secret was safe with me. I also noticed he had shaved, that was nice of him.
I mingled for a little while before I heard someone call my name from within the crowd. I didn't like the sound of it at all. You know how your mother would call you by your full name and you knew that you were in trouble. It was like that.
The crowd separated and revealed the person calling my name to be a woman with an FBI badge in one hand and a briefcase in the other.
I backed up a step out of nervousness. Had she seen me with Michael Moore earlier and though I was conspiring with him? I had this feeling deep within me that I was about to be arrested. I could just see it coming. But wait, I thought, can they really arrest me for that? All I did was shake his hand. I assured myself that my imagination was just running wild and I was safe.
I looked up at the FBI agent in acknowledgment that I was the person she was looking for.
"Your under arrest."
Oh crap.
"What for," I whimpered out.
It seemed as if everyone just suddenly vanished from the room except us two.
"You owe $18,000 for season tickets to Shea Stadium you purchased, yet never paid for," she told me as she pulled a New York Mets calendar from her briefcase.
I'm safe! I never purchased season tickets to see the Mets. I purchased season tickets for the Islanders, or at least I attempted to. I had called the ticket office a few months earlier to purchase the tickets with a money making scheme in mind. I planned on selling each ticket individually on eBay for a profit. I chickened out though, and hung up when they asked me for my credit card information. I assumed by doing so they had canceled my order, I guess they put the order through anyway and just billed me.
"I never purchased season tickets to Shea. I only went to a Mets game once this year, back in April, and I bought tickets individually for then. Why would I do that if I had season tickets?" I argued acting half confident, half smart-ass.
"Good point," she conceded as she checked her paperwork.
I began to smile, knowing I was going to be alright.
"Oh wait, the tickets were for the Islanders, not Shea," she said, and the smile quickly erased from my face.
Oh crap.
This is where I began to cry like a little girl.
"I can't go to jail," I begged, “I know what they do to the new guys in there.”
"No choice," she answered simply showing no will to budge on the issue.
"I'll pay the $18,000!"
"What? Why?" she seemed startled that I offered, "Why would you pay for something you never used."
This seems odd. If she didn't think it was worth paying for, then why was I being arrested for not paying for it? Oh well.
"I don't care. I'll pay. I just don't want to go to jail," the tears ran down my cheeks.
"And how are you going to pay?" She smirked.
I think she was enjoying this, nonetheless it was a good question. None of my credit cards had a limit that high. And my checking account was more likely to have $18 in it than $18,000.
"I rather die," I screeched as I ran out the front door and into oncoming traffic. I planned on being hit by a car, but jumped out of the way at the last second. I was too much of a coward to commit suicide.
An oncoming white Jeep suddenly came barreling down the road in front of me. I stepped to the side to avoid it, but it also moved over, positioning itself in front of me. Once again I moved to the side, and once again the Jeep moved with me. Looks like I wouldn't have to kill myself. I was going to be murdered.
I covered my head with my arms, preparing for impact, but instead the Jeep stopped short right in front of me. The door flew open revealing my wife was driving. She was helping me escape, what a sweetheart.
I quickly climbed into the passenger seat and we sped off. We only got about a block though before my conscience got the best of me.
"Wait, we have to go back," I said with regret, "I have to do what's right."
Labels: islanders, jail, jeep, mets, pope
¶ 11:38:00 AM 
he Mets have had it hard this month, losing all but two games. Actually, the Mets have had it hard this year, so far having experienced a worse record than last years disappointing season. Come to think about it, the Mets have had a disappointing century. Since losing to the Yankees in the 2000 world series they've yet to regain entry to the playoffs nor even have a winning season during the last three years. You know what?
The Mets have sucked ever since they first picked up a bat in 1962.
But, now 42 years and a Joe Orsulak later, the Mets are appearing to take action.
They've already announced the termination of current manger Art Howe and all his
coaches. The Mets are hoping to negotiate a deal with Lou Pinella, who's proved he
can manage a losing team just as well as any ex-Mets manager can while with the Tampa
Bay Devil Rays.
But Mets are not stopping there. The Mets have fired Howe, but the Met's are still
losing despite this (granted, that even though Howe was fired he still is managing
the team for some reason). So who else can they blame. Armando Benitez? Nope.
Already traded him the the Marlins where he's having an All Star season. Maybe Bobby
Valentine? No, wait, he was the manager that Mets fans hated and demanded he be fired
despite actually producing a winning record with the team. Mo Vaughn? Good try,
Although he's still on the payroll, Vaugn hasn't actually played a game in over a
year due to being too fat to fit into his hummer and drive to the game. href="http://www.news-leader.com/today/0921-Halftonman-183461.html">You may have read
about him in the news recently. So who else? Mel Rojas? John Rocker? Dallas Green? Choo choo Colemon? Tim McCarver? George McClevane? Steve Phillips? Bob Apadaca? George W. Bush? Nope, all gone... well not Bush... yet... I don't think we can blame this one on him anyway. Maybe Michael Moore can find a way.
There is one group of men who has stayed with the Mets throughout these losing times.
Are you thinking, "Owner Fred Wilpon, his idiot son in the front office, and Jim
Duquette the GM who traded away all of the young promising players for a beef
burrito?"
Nope, wrong! Then who? The Hot Dog vendors of course! Those damn people who walk
past you at the stadium every two seconds screaming, "HOT DOG! HOT DOG HERE!" It's
there fault!
The Mets philosophy of the week is that the players won't play well unless the fans
are cheering them on. The fans won't cheer them on if they're unhappy with there hot
dog service. Of course the Hot Dog vendors will argue that the reason they no longer
receive cheers is because most fans stopped showing up months ago and the few that do
show up have nothing to cheer about. Many fans don't even buy hot dogs because they
can't afford the $5 price tag after paying $50 for their ticket. Excuses, excuses.
So, as announced last night to distract the press from the Mets losing a game to the
last place Expos, all Hot Dog guys will be terminated at the end of the month. Mr.
Met, you're next!
Labels: baseball, hot dogs, mets
¶ 4:49:00 PM Early reports of a possible trade between the New York Mets and Taco Bell have not come to light.
|  Benitez shows off his Taco Bell hat
|
Labels: baseball, mets, taco bell
¶ 6:37:00 PM
People in America love nothing more than celebrating our celebrities' shortcomings. We here at cheesegod.com appreciate this and is why we've gone out of our way to bring you these exclusive pictures we've uncovered:
Regis Philbin, not recycling
Mike Piazza serving a body double for Saddam Hussein
Jay Leno, shooting a Hobo
And, in case you missed it the first time it was here, click here for one involving R. Kelly.
Stay tuned for more...
Labels: jay leno, mets, mike piazza, regis philbman, saddam hussein
¶ 8:18:00 AM 
