Terror spread through the people of New York City again when terrorists once again unleashed an attack on the streets of Manhattan... kind of.
Using instructions that can be found on such terrorist friendly websites like youtube, terrorists were able to make an horrendous combination of Mentos and Diet Coke to cause an “explosion” of soda foam.
“Well, the streets kind of got a little sticky I suppose,” terror victim Joe Orsulak told us, “But then again the streets are always kind of sticky around here.
Officials took instant measure by banning all liquids and mints from the city of New York, even though only diet sodas can cause this “explosion”.
“It can't hurt anyone to be too safe,” Mayor Bloomberg told us from his new solid gold throne he had built in Times Square, “if the banning of liquids proves to unsuccessful in stopping these attacks, we will simply have to ban people as well.”
Many New Yorkers passed out and and to be hospitalized due to dehydration causing some to question the liquid ban. Bloomberg and other government officials simply waved them off saying they were “unpatriotic, flag burning, Al Queida loving liberals.”
“I don't really see what the big deal is,” onlooker Craig Montana shrugged, “You could pretty much get the same effect by turning on a garden hose.”
Labels: bloomberg, coke, mentos, nyc, soda, terrorists
¶ 3:48:00 PM
America has a had a major impact on countries all over the world, with American brands such as McDonald's and Coca-Cola infesting every corner of the earth. While luckily we managed to get through most of our time there without seeing a McDonalds (I saw one on our last day, I cried, fell to my knees and shouted, "You fools! It was Earth all along! And you blew it up! You damn dirty Apes!") we did see other examples of the impact the English language and America itself has had on the country.
For your viewing pleasure, here are some photos:
Copyright infringement! Call the MPAA stat!
Some breakfast cereal. Frosted flakes are just called Frosties. Nestle is a huge brand there, explaining the Crunch cereal.
The back of one of the cereal boxes above would be a better read than this.
Here we thought the Superflu would come from China in the form of Sars or Bird flu. Nope. They're bottling it in Greece.
Internet!
This dude is some Soccer player. He advertises everything over there.
Just more of the same.
This shirt makes my brain hurt.
First the Da Vinci Code, now The Weather Man? Why do we have to torture these poor people with our horrible entertainment.
Like black power I think.
Some graffiti found in Athens.
Not sure what this place is....
Apparently translates to "Don't step on the dog."
Labels: casper, coke, copyright, greece
¶ 10:58:00 AM 
After years of trying to get a grip on those huge overweight Coke cans a relief
is finally in sight! Coke is introducing the 5oz coke can!
By reducing the size of their current coke size from 12 ounces by 58% the can is
much lighter and easier to hold.
"I was always having a hard time holding the current size can," Coke paid
exsignifiacant MLB player Cal Ripken Jr. to tell us, "I could never drink from
them because I feared I would strain the fingers on my throwing hand and have to
sit out a game. If we had these new cans while I played I could have gone
another 2000 games."
The best part is that Coke was able to lower the size without changing the price.
Scientists had to work around the clock to figure out how to succeed with such a
feet, but in the end were able to pull it out.
The new Coke cans should be on store shelves by the end of the month right
between the 1.5 liter Coke bottles and the same priced, but larger sized, Pepsi
items.
Labels: baseball, cal ripken jr, coke, pepsi, soda
¶ 8:35:00 AM 
In a year that saw Pepsi and Coke introduce 82 new soda flavors, including Vanilla Coke, Live Wire Mountain Dew, Toothpaste flavor Dr. Pepper, Cookies and Onion Pepsi, nothing has changed. Coke is still number one, Pepsi number two.
Pepsi, sick of being second instead of one, decided they had little choice but to introduce the inevitable:
Coke flavored Pepsi
The new soda, which will only currently be released on a limited basis during the fall to stores with employees named frank, is Pepsi's latest desperate move to overthrow the Coke kingdom.
The soda, named Pepsi: Coke, is advertised as "The Coke flavored soda for a new generation." It is already being advertised on Spike TV and during repeats of Friends. The ads feature a group of dinosaurs drinking coke, who are destroyed by a giant meteor with the Pepsi logo on it when it lands on top of them.
This is just the latest Pepsi knockoff of a coke product. Wild cherry Pepsi came from Cherry Coke, Pepsi Vanilla came from Vanilla Coke, Sierra Mist came from 7-UP, Crystal Pepsi came from Urine found behind a building.
Experts agree however that this new Pepsi: Coke will do little to help sales. "People don't buy Coke because they like it's taste, that would be stupid," Tip Danzig, Professor of Soda related Studies at Suffolk Community college told us in a lesbian chatroom, "they buy it cause it has a red label... and it has Santa on it during Christmas time. And how can you turn down Santa?"
There was also plans to release a Tab flavored Pepsi, but that was decided to be "just dumb."
