3/26/2008
Brook Fordyce has received many kudos from critics since he became the head program director at the FOX network. When he expanded American Idol to four and a half hours and added it to a sixth night, ratings soured. When he added the new game show Super-Hooker, critics raved. And of course there was his decision to let Seth MacFarlane make another cartoon with outdated references and no plot or story to appeal to that often forgotten mentally retarded market. But, there is one thing Fordyce just has not been able to do, cancel The Simpsons.The Simpsons, which has been on for a mere 19 seasons has delighted many over the years, but even the writers of the show agree it's just not that good anymore.
"What, yeah, we don't really write the shows anymore," writer John Frink told us from the closet they call a writers room, "we just look back at old shows and rewrite them."
"The show hasn't been very good lately, or for the last 5 seasons even," Dr. Joe Orsulak, professor of TV studies at Joe's College Emporium, "the show should be canceled, or moved to the CW, where low ratings are all part of Dawn Ostroff's Evil plan to kick start Armageddon."
So, if the show's ratings are so low, why hasn't it been canceled?
"I know it should be canceled, alright," Fordyce told us, "I've even gone down to the Simpson's studio a couple of times to do it. But every time I look into Matt Groening's big brown eyes... well, I just can't go through with it."
Not everyone is so sympathetic. FOX owner and National Socialist enthusiast Rupert Murdoch isn't so impressed.
"Big brown eyes?" Murdoch shouted from on top of a flying centurion pony, "I'll show him some big black eyes if expenditures are not successfully cut by 1.3% by the end of the fiscal year!"
With the threat of a semi-God riding over Fordyce's head, what's keeping him from giving the show the ole axe?
"I've spent the last 20 years with those wacky yellow guys." Fordyce told us with a tear in his eye, "When Homer met his Mom I cried, when Marge became a Cop I laughed, when Lisa became a vegetarian I stopped eating meat, and when Bart became Captain Sewer Pants and saved Springfield from the attacking 80 foot Regis Philbman I was on the edge of my seat."
"They'd be fools to cancel us now," Matt Groening creator of The Simpsons, Futuarama, Life is Hell, and a foul smelling fart during this interview, "We got some great episodes coming up! There's one where Homer becomes the lead singer for Arcade Fire, we working on another episode where the family gets a horse... again, oh, and let's not forget the return of Captain Sewer Pants!"
Fordyce isn't worried though, he has a plan.
"I'll just cancel something else. I've been doing it every year. So far I've canceled Firefly, or Arrested Development, Family Guy, Futurama... 24 soon."
Labels: fox, rupert murdoch, simpsons
¶ 10:41:00 PM
11/05/2007
RANT:Another week, another recall. It seems these days there is no toy or no food safe enough to eat. Whether it's finding out that the frozen pizza last night might of just given you e coli or Anderson Cooper showing off the asbestos he has floating around in his blood, everything in the media is making us scared of everything. It has come to the point where just approaching the frozen food section of Target makes me start to shake and break out in a cold sweat.
Choosing an item to eat is like spinning the roulette wheel of incurable diseases. Are Bubba burgers still safe to eat, or will I find out tomorrow that they've been injected with lead paint. What about Digiorno's? Is that going to give me herpes? Maybe I'll just stick with the White Castle, sure it'll give me diarrhea, but at least that's all it'll give me... I hope.
Perhaps I'm better off just buying a cow, some chickens, and growing my own crops. Of course the ground is so polluted and the feed for the animals is probably tainted. I'd likely be no better off. That and I'm lazy. I don't even want to clean up after my dog, forget a damn cow.
---
TV:
Last night's Simpson's opened up with a joke about those annoying TV bugs that advertise upcoming shows across the lower third of the TV screen.
It's been done before (twice just by The Simpson's itself, once, quite brilliantly, during the Simpson's Movie) but never this violently. A series of show advertisements came on across the screen as Marge put a gruesome end to each, including sticking House's Hugh Laurie in a microwave, then feeding him to Homer as part of a loaf.
I was hoping one of the show bugs Marge destroyed would be Family Guy, which featured a similar gag a couple of weeks earlier. On Family Guy, a bug for The Simpson's was attacked by Quagmire. He raped Marge and then murdered the rest of the Simpson's family. Nothing funnier than rape. This segment didn't air in the US, although I hear it did in Canada. Sorry Canada.
By the way, why can't FOX ever air the Simpson's Halloween special earlier than a week after Halloween? Even with FOX losing the rights to half the baseball postseason this year, they still can't seem to get this show on in time. Stupid Red Sox.
---
QUOTE:
"Man, you're like school during the summer. No class."
-Rudy, from Fat Albert.
Labels: bubba, burgers, Canada, e coli, family guy, fat albert, food, pizza, simpsons, white castle
¶ 9:00:00 AM 5/02/2007
I'm not one to put down anything I get for free, especially when it's Simpson's related, but... what the hell is it? A big foam donut? Removing the wrapper from it didn't seem to answer any questions:
Then I had an idea. Like any sane person would, I put it in a tub of water:
Now, mind you, there was no indication on the donut anywhere of what this was, or what I was suppose to do with it. But I had a hunch, and as you can see above, after putting it in the water it began to get some yellow discoloration.
Looks, like we're getting somewhere now.
Dripping wet with goodness.
The final final product! A very wet and wrinkley t-shirt!
Make sure to join us next time here on Mystery Donut theatre!
Labels: donut, shirt, simpsons
¶ 6:15:00 AM 3/07/2007
I guess it's lack of sleep that makes the crazy cat lady so crazy!
Labels: google, simpsons, sleep
¶ 6:23:00 PM 9/15/2006
Hello folks!I will be soon be departing for another hiatus for about a week. Sorry to disappoint all my loyal followers. Anywho, to help make this time apart less traumatic I've decided to share with you some MP3s I've had hanging around the warehouse. Enjoy friends!
You can click on the little speaker next to each title to play the song, or just right click and choose "Save as" to save the song to your computer. For those of you on macs without a two button mouse you know what to do... and get a second button you crazy people!
Back To The Future - This was my attempt to make a techno/disco version of the Back To The Future Song.
Toxic - Since the beginning of Britney Spears's career cheesegod.com has been trying to bring her down, and judging by the events of her life over the last year or two, I think it's safe to say we succeeded. This was my attempt to improve one of her songs. While I'm not going as far as to say this version is good, I'll definitely says it's better than her version.
Cosby VS The Simpsons - Back in 1990 there was much controversy when FOX decided to move The Simpsons from Sundays to Thursdays against The Cosby Show. I did not make this song, it's from Z100. The only thing I had to do with this song is that I happen to find it on an old audio cassette of mine, as is evident by it's lo-fi sound.
George Bush - A song made from speeches by George Bush during his 1988 reelection campaign. This is also from Z100. Don't let the last two songs fool you, Z100 sucked back then and sucks even more now.
Yankee Ad - Consider this that extra on the DVD that no one will ever watch, but they put it there anyway so you feel like you're getting more bang for your buck. This is the music I composed in about 3 seconds with Garage Band in 2004 for the Yankees/Visa Ad spoof on this website.
Enjoy the music! I'll see you all in a week or so!
Labels: back to the future, britney spears, george bush, mp3, music, simpsons, yankess
¶ 1:36:00 PM 8/16/2006
Conclusion: When are they bringing back Mountain Dew Live Wire?
Labels: cosby, jazz, mountain dew, pepsi, simpsons, soda, surge
¶ 1:00:00 PM 
