It’s a Tuesday afternoon at the Broadway Mall in Hicksville, NY. Just like any other Tuesday during the summer, shoppers are out and about going about their merry way, perusing the mall.

But on this day Coca-cola has agents with coolers handing out free 20oz bottles of their latest diet soda, Coke Zero.

For those of you, who don’t know what exactly Coke Zero is, welcome to the club. I assumed it was just an attempt for Coke to outdo Pepsi One. I imagined that Pepsi would soon release a drink called Pepsi Negative One. This soda does not only have no calories, but would somehow actually remove one from your body upon drinking it. Unfortunately, for Pepsi anyway, Coke has beaten them to that too. They have announced they will be releasing a soda within the year that will actually burn about 50 calories when you drink it by speeding up your metabolism. Perhaps this time the soda will contain speed instead of cocaine.

Unfortunately, until that’s released, we’re stuck with Coke Zero. As mall patrons grabbed as much free soda as they could, some began to actually drink the beverage. The results were devastating.

The taste was horrible. People everywhere started cringing, slightly pulling their head back while making a frowning face. Some ventured tried to continue drinking, not wanting to waste a free drink. But ultimately the two-thirds full bottles began finding their way into trash cans… the floor… thrown on top of displays inside the mall… and anywhere else you could think of.

When one elderly man was stopped at the entrance of a store that did not allow food inside, he without hesitation threw the drink in a nearby trash can and grumbled, “It’s okay, the stuff tastes like crap anyway, no wonder they’re giving it away for free.”

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