Today is the day to be thankful. Here is what I’m thankful for this year:
I am thankful to Hungry Man Inc. for making a turkey dinner so I have something to eat today.
I am thankful I am not Mitt Romney, so I don’t look disheveled, have to pump my own gas and considered a loser by everyone including people that used to be my friends… actually that sounds a lot like me now except I’m not worth a quarter of a billion dollars…
I am thankful for the TV show Hoarders for making my house not look so bad. “Meh, the dog did crap on the floor, but I’ve seen worse.”
I am thankful to Go Daddy and Western Digital for not having my website hosting and backup hard drive crash at the exact same causing me to lose 30 months of work like they did last year.
I am thankful for online shopping so I do not have to deal with idiots that line up for hours outside of stores just so they can trample each other for a discounted coffee maker.
I am thankful for the fact that anyone can make a website, because I’m sure I would of been booed off a stage long ago if I said half the crap I posted on here.
15 Years Later:
Hey, it’s Thanksgiving! It’s also the month we’re reposting a bunch of crap from the last 15 years for our anniversary! This kind of melds the two together, originally published in 2003:
Bush Accidentally Visits Iraq for Thanksgiving
The nation was stunned upon learning the news that supposed Bush visited Iraq on Thanksgiving. But Bush admitted yesterday to friends that he was actually trying to travel to Turkey, in search of a thanksgiving dinner, and arrived on accident Iraq due to using “an old map.”.
These friends, who I suppose aren’t very good friends since they leaked this information, also told us that Bush was very scared when he learned he had arrived in Iraq because that was where the “boogeyman” his dad had told him about when he was a kid (or at least 35 years old) lived. Bush gathered up his courage by putting on his army jumpsuit and pretending he was one of those brave men he had seen on Hogan’s Heroes.
Bush was initially disappointed thinking he would only be able to eat beef jerkey, microwave burritos, and slurpees because “that’s all those Hindu people sell”. Bush was finally able to settle in once he found out there was some turkey, although he was somewhat disappointed there wasn’t any of those cool 7-Eleven Big Bite Bacon Cheeseburger logs available.
Our sources told us Bush left happy with his souvenir “I Visited Iraq and All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt” T-Shirt and, proving the proclamation on the shirt was false, a Iraqi snow globe.
Bush spent most of his time on the trip back home working on his letter to Santa Clause and playing Battlefield 1942 while wishing a loud that “this war was as cool as the one in my video game.”