For some reason this really makes me want beef jerkey

Life is great. We get to smell pretty flowers, kiss beautiful girls (or men, if you like that kind of thing), watch reruns of Growing Pains on Netflix. Yep, there’s no arguing it, life is the best! Much better than death.

But sometimes disaster strikes! A dog bites off your butt, an anvil falls on your big toe or Jon Lovitz makes another movie and just like that life sucks! But don’t cower in the kitchen cabinet with fear, here are some world class survival lessons from the experts at

Today’s survival lesson:

What to do if confronted by Big Foot


1) Do not make jokes about his shoe size.

Saying “You know what they say about guys with big feet” may seem complimentary at first, but it will not go over well. Big foot has heard it many times before and is sick of it. Plus, it’s not true… at least that’s what I read on the women’s room wall.


2) Don’t bring up Harry & The Hendersons

There is no doubt that it was the low point of his carear and he would rather not think about it. Big foot still has nightmares about John Lithgow, especially since he was on Dexter. Instead compliment him on his work in the Patterson video, which was clearly his best work.


3) Don’t speculate he isn’t real or ask if he is really just a guy in a costume

He will prove he’s the genuine deal by tearing your face off. Think of Big Foot like it’s Christianity.  It might be fake, but do you really want to take the chance and wind up in hell?



Current Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime created the Big Foot pizza when he worked for Pizza Hut. No word on who created the cheese covered cardboard for Domino’s.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *