We are almost 66% of the way through the year 2010. It’ll be a time known for oil spills, leaked documents, Canadian Olympics and of course the movie Vampire’s Suck. But no one will wish to remember these colossal failures of the year:

Coke Switches to original Cocaine recipe
Feeling pressure from Pepsi and Dr Pepper, who both starting distributing their original recipes with real sugar, Coke decided to also start making their original flavor.

While the cocaine and sugar flavor easily won every “Pepsi Challenge” put before it, after some consumers started complaining of severe brain rot (the ones that could still talk anyway) Coke had to pull the variant of the market despite it being only marginally more unhealthy then the normal version .

The soda is still for sale in the alley behind Seven Heaven on Turow street. Look for the guy in the pink mesh shirt, tell him Tony sent you.

NBC replaces Conan O’Brien with Philly Phanatic

After trying to push the Tonight Show back to 12:05, Conan O’Brien became so enraged he promptly quit the show. NBC had planned to replace him Jay Leno, but he would but unavailable due to him taking his cars out on a romantic getaway.

The executives at NBC decided they had no choice but to replace him with the Philly Phanatic (well, they had plenty of choices, but NBC isn’t exactly known for coming up with good ideas). The thinking was that the Philly Phantic would dance around like an idiot and act like a total ass, so nobody would notice that Conan was even gone.

The plan worked for the most part. Unfortunately NBC began to receive complaints from angry New York fans Mr. O’Brien was wearing a Phillies jersey. O’Brien’s image was so hurt by the ordeal, FOX cancelled his pending deal to do a show for them and was banished to basic cable.

Lost Ends Cryptically

Millions tuned into ABC to watch how Lost would end. What they found was confusing…. have a look:

California Typo keeps Tay Zonday from Getting Married

Outrage flowed through crowds of religious zealots, homophobes, idiots and Mel Gibson when a judge in California ruled that Gay Marriage was once again legal.

The reason? A typo that accidentally stated that it was Tay Marriage that was illegal. The result was men can mary men, women can mary women, but Youtube has-been Tay Zonday can’t mary anyone.

Zonday of course is mad about this, but after watching this video, perhaps it is for the best: