Using the best psychics we could find and afford in the yellow pages we here at have been able to download stories that will happen in 2008. Here is one such story:

Some cried. Some rejoiced. Some were too shocked to say how they were. Most vomited and then stuck their head in the oven. But all felt some kind of feeling or took some kind of action when the news was learned yesterday that George W. Bush had be reelected president.

“Why? Why? Why the hell does God hate us so much,” one teary eyed 5 year girl was able to say between crying spats.

Today, the day after the 2008 presidential elections have left everyone shocked including the president himself.

“I just want to say how shocked and happy I am, but my vocabulary and speaking skills are good enough for me to do so,” Bush told us through his World of Warcraft avatar during a recent wizard raid through the secret woods of Magiclot.

But the shock didn’t end there. Dick Cheney suffered 82 heart attacks, and the predicted winning ticket of Obama & Marmaduke were equally dismayed.

“I thought America wanted change,” Obama shouted from the edge of a tall building, “I knew I shouldn’t of bought into this fad of cartoon dogs for running mates.”

So how could such a thing happen? Turns out it was those pesky Diebold voting machines are to blame.

“It seems we forgot to unrig them after the 2004 election,” Diebold spokesman Joe Orsulak told us just moments before being lynched by an angry mob, “Our bad.”

So it looks like it’ll be business as usual for the next four years. Meanwhile the official Republican ticket is already talking 2012.

“In four years we are confident, that America will be ready for Huckabee & Odie.”

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