Anybody who knows me knows I love me some soda. Especially those made with real sugar. Pepsi and Mountain Dew Throwback, Hansen’s, Mexican Coke, Whole Food’s 365 cola. It’s all good stuff.

Just because I consume the stuff like it’s air, it doesn’t mean I’m not aware of how horrible the stuff is for the body. Besides the fact that’ll I’ll probably have type 30 diabetes by the age of 35, there’s also these horrible stories:

Mountain Dew Causes Memory Loss:

Many colas that appear cloudy, like Mountain Dew, contain Brominated Vegetable Oil (BVO). The cola additive was originally declared harmless by the FDA, but when it was found to cause heart disease in rats, they changed their mind… but not completely.

Instead of banning the substance completely, the FDA instead limited how much BVO could be used in making soda. How bad can a little BVO be? Not too bad. But there are cases that prove if soda is over consumed it can a major problem.

On 1997 a man went to the emergency room with bad headache, fatigue, loss of muscle coordination and memory loss. The doctors were stumped. He continued  to get worse until he finally lost the ability to walk. Doctors found that his Bromine levels were off the charts. Why? Because he been drinking 4 liters of cola containing BVO a day.

In 2003 doctors treated a man who developed swollen hands and oozing sores. He was diagnosed the rare skin condition bromoderma. It’s turns out had been drinking 8 liters a day of Red Squirt (I don’t care what’s in that drink, I would not drink something called “Red Squirt”).

BVO probably isn’t that bad if you don’t overdo it, but consider this: The substance is completely illegal in over 100 other countries.

Permanent Diarrhea:

A 31 year old women in Monaco claims to have only drank soda for sixteen years. As a result doctors found she had dangerously low potassium levels, after she was admitted to a hospital for fainting. Doctors said drinking the excess cola caused her to also have an irregular heartbeat and extra water under the bowels. In other words, permanent diarrhea.

It’ll Rot Your Teeth:

This one is kind of obvious. We’ve all heard of the child’s science experiment where you put a tooth in soda overnight and it’ll supposedly dissolve. In fact, a man in Australia who drank 8 liters lost all his teeth at the age of 25.

Don’t think drinking diet soda will help you any better. A recent study shows that drinking 2 liters of diet cola a day will harm your teeth just as much as doing meth or cocaine.

Bone loss:

As if it wasn’t enough that Diet Cola makes you lose your teeth, it will also cause a loss of bones. The phosphoric acid in diet cola causes calcium to go through your system and exit via urine much faster. Bones are not given a chance to absorb the calcium making them much weaker.

It’ll dissolve at Rat:  

Teeth and bones isn’t the only thing that will dissolve in soda. Whole rats will also be dissolved.

In 2011 an Illinois man sued Pepsico after claiming he found a rat in his can of Mountain Dew. Pepsico won the case after proving it was impossible. That’s good, right?

The disturbing part is how they proved it. The expertise of a veterinarian named Lawrence McGill was submitted:

Mr. McGill said if a mouse is submerged in Mountain Dew between four and seven days, the rodent “will have no calcium in its bones and bony structures.” During those days of soft drink immersion, “the mouse’s abdominal structure will rupture.” Additionally, “its cranial cavity is also likely to rupture within that time period,” Mr. McGill noted.

In other words, there’s no way he could of found a rat, because if a rat was in the Mountain Dew it would have dissolved beyond recognition. Lovely right?

Luckily, if this disturbs you, if you drink enough Mountain Dew it’ll cause memory loss and you’ll completely forget about it anyway.

So in conclusion: Drink water. Not that I’ll be taking my own advice.