That thing above is called a Lamprey and it is damn right terrifying. This jawless fish feeds by latching onto it’s prey and then using it’s teeth to dig into the flesh until it gets to the tasty blood and bodily fluids.

They rarely attack humans. Of course the keyword in that last sentence is “rarely” meaning that they have. They will only will feed on people if starved. So if you are thinking of putting one of these in your  boss’s toilet as a prank, make sure you don’t feed it for a week first.

If you are wondering where these things are common to, so you can avoid these areas at all cost, I hate to say they may be closer than you think. The one above was found in New Jersey. making it the second ugliest thing known for sucking after Snooki in the state. They are also considered a major pest in the Great Lakes because they are eating all the good fish and making fishermen sad.

Of course if the lamprey eat the fish you were planning on eating, just get your revenge at eat the lamprey. Lamprey is has been a delicacy for years. In fact in 1135 King Henry I dies after eating a lamprey pie that had been poisoned.  All I know is next time I’m at Crumb’s I will not be looking for a lamprey cupcake to eat.