Subject: Conversation received Via Phone Tapping
D. Rumsfeld: Hello
G.W. Bush: Hiya Rumy
D. Rumsfeld: What can I do for you today Sir?
G.W. Bush: It’s about Iraq
D. Rumsfeld: Yes Sir
G.W. Bush: I just found out about a secret weapon
D. Rumsfeld: Sir, as we discussed earlier, sending Cheney there with a shotgun isn’t an option. If he didn’t report for duty the first time, there’s no reason to think he would this time.
G.W. Bush: I remember Rummy. You were quite helpful in explaining it to me with your memos. Colorful diagrams, powerpoint presentations, interactive flash games, and stage show concerning the Cheney-Army situation.
D. Rumsfeld: I’m glad I could help Sir.
G.W. Bush: No, I have a different secret weapon in my mind this time.
D. Rumsfeld: That’s great news Sir, care to shed some light?
G.W. Bush: Chuck Norris.
D. Rumsfeld: Chuck Norris?
G.W. Bush: Chuck Norris.
D. Rumsfeld: The guy from Sidekicks?
G.W. Bush: Oh yes, I love that film. It’s my favorite fighting movie. That and The Three Ninjas Fight Back… and Earnest Goes To Jail.
D. Rumsfeld: Sir, I believe Chuck Norris is just an actor.
G.W. Bush: That’s what we thought, but I have some new intelligence that says otherwise.
D. Rumsfeld: Such as?
G.W. Bush: Did you know that 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
D. Rumsfeld: Really?
G.W. Bush: Or that Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
D. Rumsfeld: Wow.
G.W. Bush: Or that Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
D. Rumsfeld: Amazing!
G.W. Bush: When Chuck Norris played professional baseball he broke every homerun record in just one month?*
D. Rumsfeld: Wait, if that one’s true home come it’s not in any of the record books?
G.W. Bush: Because he was disqualified for using his foot instead of a baseball bat.
D. Rumsfeld: This is remarkable! Is your intelligence source reliable?
G.W. Bush: Sure is, it’s where I get all my information, the internets!
D. Rumsfeld: (Sigh) Goodbye Sir.
##D. Rumsfeld disconnects
G.W. Bush: I don’t understand, it’s reliable, that’s where I learned that All our base belongs to some alien fellow afterall.
##G.W. Bush disconnects
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