Today is tax day. If this is the first you’re hearing about this I suggest you stop reading this post right now and run down to your local H&R block. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.
Done? I doubt it, that seemed kind of fast for you to have done your taxes, but whatever, it’s your audit.
So on this least favorite of days of the Tea Party, let’s take a look at some fictional people who have more money than you, but probably pay less taxes.
This according to Forbes magazine, because they have nothing better to do than figure out how much fake people are worth. Of course I’m sharing this information, proving I have even less of anything to do.
Scrooge McDuck – 44.1 Billion
Life is like an airplane. I’m not sure what that means. Life for Scrooge McDuck is pretty sweet though. Even Mitt Romney doesn’t have a money vault he can dive into, he invests his money so he can make more without doing any work for it, that sucker.
Tony Stark – 9.3 Billion
Mr. Ironman is pretty rich. He made his money Haliburton style, making weapons. War is good for business, and thanks to Iraq, Afghanistan and soon North Korea there have been no shortages of them.
Jed Clampet – 9.8 Billion
It’s a nice dream. Just get rich on accident. That’s why so many suckers buy lottery tickets. Mr. Clampet didn’t even have to waste the dollar, he just found some crud bubbling from his backyard. For those of us living in apartments we can’t even fantasize about this kind of thing happening. If I found oil in my backyard my landlord would be rich and I’d have to live with BP mining in my living room.
Charles Montgomery Burns – 1.3 Billion
How does one go about owning a public utility? It’s not really possible, but somehow Mr. Burns figured it out and he is handsomely rewarded for it. I bet if Donald Trump owned a power plant he’d figuring out how to block out the sun too.
Jaba The Hutt – 8.4 Billion
A giant slug is worth more than you. It’s kind of depressing that a being who can be taken down by a salt shaker is more successful than you’ll ever be. But if it makes you feel any better he was taken down by a chain.
