The Jokes:

DirecTV has added 100,000 new subscribers. Coincidently, there was 100,000 more angry people then usual the last time it rained.

Nintendo plans on publishing the first Adult rated game in Australia. Rumor is we get to see Mario’s Didgeridoo.

The Great Lakes are at a low for water levels. They have been downgraded to the Not Bad  Lakes, if the situation doesn’t get better it will become the Meh Lakes.

Obesity Saves Life:

"I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.""And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas."
“I think it’s ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.”
“And I think it’s ironic that for once Dad’s butt prevented the release of toxic gas.”

A 400lb woman in Queens fell through the sidewalk this past weekend. Before you start thinking the Twinkee shortage should of happened sooner, she sees it another way.

“Thank God, they said that my size was the only thing that saved me,” the 32 year old told The New York Post.

She says a thinner woman would of fallen to her death. Never mind that a lighter person probably wouldn’t have broken the sidewalk, I am convinced. I’m off to but some Pro-40 weight gainer.

Oh, in case you’re wondering, the Fire Dept. used a cargo net and a crane to get her out. Thank god they didn’t use explosives:

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