The Jokes: 

A court is ruled that at least temporarily Domino’s Pizza will not have provide contraception to their employees. It’s okay, their Pizza is already a pretty good contraceptive. You order Domino’s on a date, you just guaranteed you are not getting love that night.

Britney Spears is working hard on a new album and Jessica Simpson is pregnant with her second child. Never would of imagined in 1998 I still would be talking about Britney Spears 15 years later. Of course I also thought I’d have a hoverboard and be watching Jaws 14. Quite a disappointment to go from flying skateboards to Britney Spears.

A kid Nintendo 3DSxl box full of rocks on Christmas thanks to Walmart. Walmart shoppers: A bunch of Charlie Browns.

Looking Forward:

Well, that last year sure sucked. People shooting everything, shoving each other in front of trains, the movie Parental Guidance… Life can be pretty depressing. But it can only get better. Here are 13 of my own reasons I’m keeping the noose of myself this year:

  • There are no major elections this year! – No hours and hours of political adverts, no overanalyzing of Romney’s latest flub, no talk of Democrats taking the house, Republicans  taking the Senate, Trump doing anything. It will be a nice year of peace. Enjoy it, because in 2014 there will already be Democrats and Republicans lining up for 2016.
  • Video Game Fans Prepare to Salvate – This year’s E3 video game expo will be nuts. It’s pikmin-2-cat-wallpaperalmost 100% guaranteed we’ll be getting some major news about the console follow ups to the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. Will the graphics be so real it’ll look better than real life? Can they add more buttons to their controllers? Can the next Call of Duty game be exactly the same as every other Call of Duty game and still sell a bajilion copies? Plus we got those new Grand Theft Auto and that cool looking South Park  games coming out. Not to mention Pikmin 3, a game us Nintendo nerds have been waiting 9 years for.
  • Star Trek: Into Darkness
  • Man of Steel
  • If Star Trek and Superman isn’t your cup of tea, we also got Iron Man 3, A Good Day to Die Hard and the second Hobbit film to look forward to.
  • The Return of Twinkees – I don’t even like Twinkees. But it’s obvious by the grieving  that they are missed. At some point this year Hostess will auction off all their assets as per Bankruptcy rules. That’ll include the name and recipe for Twinkees. It’ll only be a matter of time until another company is producing those spongey cakes for massive consumption by massive Americans.
  • No Jersey Shore – For the first time since 2009, a new episode of Jersey Shore will not air. The future for humanity looks bright.
  • royal-blue-community-flag-e-pluribus-anus-women-s-t-shirts_designCommunity comes back – On February 7th, NBC will finally begin airing the fourth season of Community. One of those that are just too good for it’s own good it has had a hard time attracting a sizable audience. But those of us that appreciate stuff that isn’t crap will be happy this February.
  • The final season of Breaking Bad – It’ll be sad to say goodbye to the best show on television, but there’s no doubt I’ll be tuning every week to see how it all ends. I’m hoping it’ll be Bryan Cranstan waking up as Hal from Malcolm in the MIddle realizing it was all just a dream.
  • This year we’ll finally get to see the 13th day, of the 13th month, of the 13th year. It’s been a long time I’ve been waiting to experience that lousy Smarch weather.
  • End of War – Well not all war. Not by a long shot. But Obama has promised toWar Is Over withdraw troops out of Afghanistan by 2014, meaning this 13 year long war will finally start coming to an end. Anytime a war ends, it can not possibly be a bad thing.
  • The End of Death – Like it or hate it Obamacare is coming in 2014. Hopefully this means 2013 will mark the end of people being sick but too poor to afford their medication, not being able visit doctors, having bill collectors hound them over that silly little cancer surgery they got. No matter how you feel about the law itself, how it went about coming to be, or Obama himself it’s hard to argue that people not dying is a bad thing.
  • The Economy will Improve – It’s been a slow ride, but the economy will continue to improve. Once this stupid Fiscal cliff thing gets out of our way (and it will, hell, there’s a small chance it may already be done with by the time you read this) we will continue to strive. Life will get better. 13 is an unlucky number say some, but I say you make your own luck. Lets get out there and enjoy life.

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