Lysol introduced a brand new item to their disinfectant line today. Lysol, known for their odor reducing products, have decided to go from being on the defense to becoming the offense.

The new item is “Lysol Fruit Snack Disinfectant.” This new candy is promised to not only taste great, but to also disinfect the innards of your colon. So, on your next visit to the bathroom, you’ll now leave behind a pleasant odor instead of just a nasty turd.

“It’s ingenious,” product spokesperson Joe Orsulak told us from behind an old Caldor’s, “Now your friends won’t ban you from their house just because you leave stink bombs in their bathrooms. It’s not like it was your fault, how were you suppose to know the chili was going to do that to you? No… no. Now instead they’ll purposely invite you over just to take a dump, because they want their house to smell nice. But you won’t do it. Now you have the leverage in the relationship. Go ahead, let ’em beg you for them to be your friends. Let them crawl to you for once!”

At this point me and my colleagues slowly inched away… then broke into full sprint until we got into our van and sped away.

Before we left though, we did get our hands on a sample of the candy and can report that besides it’s nasty taste it is quite good. Just make sure you read the warning label. We didn’t. Oh well, I guess it makes sense you shouldn’t eat that many in one sitting. Poor Mike, may he rest in peace.

Look for Lysol candy to appear at your local supermarket in about a month or two.