Tag Archives: star wars

ScroogeFirstToday is tax day. If this is the first you’re hearing about this I suggest you stop reading this post right now and run down to your local H&R block. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Done? I doubt it, that seemed kind of fast for you to have done your taxes, but whatever, it’s your audit.

So on this least favorite of days of the Tea Party, let’s take a look at some fictional people who have more money than you, but probably pay less taxes.

This according to Forbes magazine, because they have nothing better to do than figure out how much fake people are worth. Of course I’m sharing this information, proving I have even less of anything to do.

Scrooge McDuck – 44.1 Billion

Life is like an airplane. I’m not sure what that means. Life for Scrooge McDuck is pretty sweet though. Even Mitt Romney doesn’t have a money vault he can dive into, he invests his money so he can make more without doing any work for it, that sucker.

12922337035Tony Stark – 9.3 Billion

Mr. Ironman is pretty rich. He made his money Haliburton style, making weapons. War is good for business, and thanks to Iraq, Afghanistan and soon North Korea there have been no shortages of them.

Jed Clampet – 9.8 Billion

It’s a nice dream. Just get rich on accident. That’s why so many suckers buy lottery tickets. Mr. Clampet didn’t even have to waste the dollar, he just found some crud bubbling from his backyard. For those of us living in apartments we can’t even fantasize about this kind of thing happening. If I found oil in my backyard my landlord would be rich and I’d have to live with BP mining in my living room.

mr_burns_birthday_cakeCharles Montgomery Burns – 1.3 Billion

How does one go about owning a public utility? It’s not really possible, but somehow Mr. Burns figured it out and he is handsomely rewarded for it. I bet if Donald Trump owned a power plant he’d figuring out how to block out the sun too.

Jaba The Hutt – 8.4 Billion

A giant slug is worth more than you.  It’s kind of depressing that a being who can be taken down by a salt shaker is more successful than you’ll ever be. But if it makes you feel any better he was taken down by a chain.

Category: Today

When you think of Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (for now on referred to as MMORPGs, because we’re nerds and we know what that stands for) you most likely think of World of Warcraft or, if you are old school enough, Everquest.

There have been many MMORPGs, but most nothing as successful as World of Warcraft. In the world of MMORPGs World of Warcraft is Oreos while everything else is Hydrox. And just like Hydrox, many of these have ceased to exist.

If you’ve never played a MMORPG it might be hard too see how you could become attached to a fake world. But many of us literally spent hundreds, maybe thousands, of hours developing our characters that lived in this world and hanging out with our online friends. And let me ask you this: If there were two worlds you lived in, one where everyday you go to work and sit at a desk for 8 hours, go home and eat your cruddy dinner, watch reruns of Frasier and then worry about how you’re are going to afford the new tires for your car and the other world you defeat enemies, are considered a champion and have enough gold to buy any horse you want, which world would you rather live in?

Here are three better worlds that have ceased to be:


The Matrix Online

Me, just hanging out in the Matrix.

Me, just hanging out in the Matrix.

When MxO launched in 2005 it showed much potential. It was promised that everything that happened in this game would be considered part of the Matrix storyline, giving players a chance to determine what would happen to all the characters from the trilogy. Players were given the choice of fighting for the humans, machines or exiles to help decide the stories fate. The game had constant live events, meaning certain story lines could only be participated in if you were online at the right time, causing the feeling that you had to constantly check in to see if your help was needed to steer the story in the direction you desired.

Unfortunately the game launched with a ton of bugs causing many people to quit. After a few months Sony purchased the game and ceased operation of the live events. Unfortunately the game wasn’t built to really stand alone without them. The game consisted of mostly just the same missions over and over and the storyline became obviously pre scripted, showing the players had to real effect on how the story would go.

The large city blocks, fun community and unique was still enough to keep the game going for four years before the servers were shut for good in 2009.


Star Wars Galaxies

A game based on the hottest Sci-Fi property out there? How could it go bad? Well, it actually did alright, until a couple years in Sony, the publisher of the game, decided to make some major changes to the way the game played. While it may of been alright for new players, long time players did not think so and left the game in mass.

The game still managed to last another 6 years though, giving it a pretty good run. The servers were shut down in 2011, which made sense since a new Star Wars MMO was being released.


The Sims Online

Okay, this game doesn’t really deserve to be on this list. Because no one misses it. But the game did manage to last almost 6 years, meaning someone must of liked it. The game is fresh on mind because I happen to see a thrift shop selling a copy of it today for $3. Anyone buys that will be pretty disappointed when they find out the game is unplayable due to the servers being down. Although, the new Sim City is pretty much unplayable for the same reason.

The Sims Online also lead to this amusing story on The Daily Show:

Category: Today

The Jokes:

So, having too big of a carbon footprint causes global warming, global warming causes hurricane, hurricane causes power outages, power outages causes us to reduce our carbon footprint. I guess things work out on their own.

Now that Disney bough LucasArts that means they own the rights to both Donald Duck and Howard The Duck. This sounds like too much of a duck monopoly to me. I hope the government blocks this for fair business reasons.

During a recent campaign stop, Biden joked about running for president in 2016. That’s a pretty funny joke.

15 Years Later:

This is our first update as part of our 15 year celebration. Cheesegod.com, then known as the Cheese God Worship Site, was introduced on May 3rd 1997 with a geocities address to long to remember.  To celebrate this unremarkable occasion I will be presenting some of my favorite posts from the last 15 years.

This one was orginaly published on September 3rd 2003.


In a year that saw Pepsi and Coke introduce 82 new soda flavors, including Vanilla Coke, Live Wire Mountain Dew, Toothpaste flavor Dr. Pepper, Cookies and Onion Pepsi, nothing has changed. Coke is still number one, Pepsi number two.

Pepsi, sick of being second instead of one, decided they had little choice but to introduce the inevitable:

Coke flavored Pepsi

The new soda, which will only currently be released on a limited basis during the fall to stores with employees named frank, is Pepsi’s latest desperate move to overthrow the Coke kingdom.

The soda, named Pepsi: Coke, is advertised as “The Coke flavored soda for a new generation.” It is already being advertised on Spike TV and during repeats of Friends. The ads feature a group of dinosaurs drinking coke, who are destroyed by a giant meteor with the Pepsi logo on it when it lands on top of them.

This is just the latest Pepsi knockoff of a coke product. Wild cherry Pepsi came from Cherry Coke, Pepsi Vanilla came from Vanilla Coke, Sierra Mist came from 7-UP, Crystal Pepsi came from Urine found behind a building.

Experts agree however that this new Pepsi: Coke will do little to help sales. “People don’t buy Coke because they like it’s taste, that would be stupid,” Tip Danzig, Professor of Soda related Studies at Suffolk Community college told us in a lesbian chatroom, “they buy it cause it has a red label… and it has Santa on it during Christmas time. And how can you turn down Santa?”

There was also plans to release a Tab flavored Pepsi, but that was decided to be “just dumb.”


Make sure you do not miss our live blogging coverage of the election this Tuesday starting at 8pm! It’s going to be the most amazing thing ever… maybe I’m overselling it a tad.

Category: Satire, Today

The Jokes:

If With Great Power comes Great Responsibilty, does that mean with no power comes no responsibilty? Cause that would be great for those of us in the blackout.

I still don’t get why Usian Bolt couldn’t help us out and run circles through the storm in the opposite direction to stop it. It worked for The Flash!

Disney has purchased Star Wars. Look forward to stupid collectables of Star Wars characters in the shape of Mickey Mouse in packages you can’t see through.

Damn You Sandy!

There’s only one thing that I know how to do well
And I’ve often been told that you only can do
What you know how to do well

Greeting folks. Yesterday in my post I mentioned may of lost power by the time you read it. Turns out my prediction was true, as I lost power mid day Monday and have yet to gain it back (I cheated and wrote that entry on Sunday, then scheduled it to post on Tuesday morning) . This will make updating kind of hard.

I wil try to update as much as I can, but I can make no promises. I also hope to be back online by Tuesday for the planned Live Blogging of Election Day.

Don’t forget folks, that Live Blogging will begin at 8pm this upcoming Tuesday! Don’t miss it!

Category: Today

Socially Awkward

The Past

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