At a press conference yesterday Sony announced plans for a digital tie. Soon it will be possible to make a phone call, record a memo, and play Tetris ripoff "Block Invader" all without leaving your neck.

"It just seemed like a natural," said some Japanese tech guy whose name was too hard to pronounce and I was too lazy to find out how to spell it, "every business man wears a tie."

The tie, using microchip technology, will be able to play MP3s and warm up coffee. Optional face plates will also be available to change the ties design.

While this may all seem stupid, at least someone has finally found a use for the most pointless piece of clothing ever invented.

"For years the tie has represented the noose of suicide you were committing by being at your dead end job. Now we make that suicide more efficient!" said the same Japanese guy as previously mentioned.

When asked why Japan insists on making such stupid things he replied, "Because America buys such stupid things!"

We sure do. God bless America!

The tie that this article is about... what else would it be?
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