Warning: Spoliers

If you are like me you do not want to be spoiled. This will contain spoliers. Do not keep reading unless you want to know stuff that might ruin some surprises in the movie. Seriously, I’m about to talk about some stuff that could seriously destroy the movie for you. If you’ve seen the movie or want to just know everything and ruin the joy of living, keep reading.

While you decide if you really want to keep reading here’s a picture of Spock petting a cat:

That picture is almost kind of memorizing, isn’t it?

Still reading? Okay here we go.

What I loved:

Spock’s logic – Right away in the beginning we see Spock fully suited up in protective gear ready to dive into an active volcano. Uhura jokes that she can go instead of him, to of which Spock replies that it would be illogical since he is already suited up.

You can see the Spock influence on Shelden from Big Bang Theory. Shelden’s inability to recognize jokes and logic would probably result in the same response.

Bones’ Analogies – Within a minute McCoy manages to spit out two crazy analogies to Captain Kirk. First, when the Enterprise’s warp drive is broken but Kirk still wants to continue the mission McCoy says, “That’s like robbing a bank when the getaway car has a flat tire.” And then seconds later when Kirk puts Sulu in charge he says, “You’ve put him in a high stakes poker game with no cards and told him to bluff.

Kirk’s response is to order him to stop the analogies.

Nimoy! – Holy crap, Leonard Nimoy once again makes an appearance as Spock giving his younger the back story of Khan, just a sentence after says he doesn’t want to mess with this timeline.

Kirk’s on the go physical – Having McCoy examine Kirk on the run for comedic effect was already done in the 2009 Star Trek, but it still works now.

Klingons – Everyone loves Klingons. While they only played a small roll this time around it was exciting to see what they would look like. Would it be as they appeared in the original series or how they were in The Next Generation and beyond.

It turns out a scarier version of The Next Generation version, including pierced forehead ridges. I can live with that.

Tribbles – Or at least a tribble. Everyone loves tribbles, plus it helped save Kirk’s life.

Mixed Feelings:

KHAAAAN! – Letting Spock have the pleasure of belting out the classic line was amusing. The only problem I have is when they chose to have Spock yell it out.

Kirk just died in an emotional scene between him and Spock. Having Spock yell the line then, just adds a super amount of silly when it seems inappropriate.

The Future Earth – This one is hard. It’s cool to see future earth. But Star Trek has always been about exploring and not just blowing up things here on Earth. Plus the future doesn’t seem all that futuristic Earth, we still got cars, busses, and annoying alarm clocks.

Meh:

Plot hole –  At the end McCoy figures out he can use Khan’s blood to cure Kirk. But, why couldn’t he just use one of the other 72 people he has frozen laying around.

And why would Khan hide frozen bodies in torpedoes? That seems like the worse place to put them.

Lens Flare – The movie was pretty enjoyable in 3D, but the 3D lens flare was annoying. Damn you Abrhams!

Overall though, I definitely loved the movie, can’t wait for third one… assuming Abrhams isn’t to busy with that other “Star” movie.

And yes, the title of this post is a derogatory statement towards Mr. Spock.

If the 1980s are known for anything it’s the cola wars (and maybe the fall of Soviet Russia, Ronald Reagan, the Pope being shot and Tiananmen Square). The infamous fight between Coke and Pepsi which saw crazy amounts of advertising and Coke’s infamous new recipe blunder.

Coke had had success having George Michael (the less talented half of Wham!) do commercials for their sugar water and Pepsi was looking to counter with their own signed celebrity. In 1989 there was no one bigger than Madonna and after some tough negotiations Pepsi signed her on for a cool 5 million dollars.

As part of the deal Pepsi would get a commercial starring Madonna featuring the world premiere of her new song. Pepsi thought this to be such a big deal they actually aired a commercial to advertise the commercial.

On March 2nd 1989 the unprecedented two minute long advertisement premiered during The Cosby Show, the highest rated show of the time. The ad features Madonna watching home videos of herself as a kid, dancing in the streets and reminiscing about the good old days while the song Like A Prayer played. The ad didn’t have a whole lot to do with Pepsi, other than Madonna holding a bottle of the soda while watching the home videos and a Pepsi logo in the background in a store window.

The advertisement was a hit. It was found to be a wonderful and sweet nostalgic two minutes. The problem came about when the official video aired on MTV a couple of days later. Rather than being a nice and sweet it featured such controversial things such as burning crosses and a black man.

Religious groups hated the video and immediately called  for a boycott of Pepsi. Of course, poor Pepsi had nothing to do with the video, they just made a nice little commercial. Nonetheless Pepsi caved into the pressure and never aired their advertisement again. Meanwhile, the music video continued airing on MTV and the song went on to be number one of the Billboard singles chart for three weeks. The song is also Madonna’s best selling digital download.

I recently saw a woman get her eyes pushed into her skull by a mad man using just his thumbs on the NBC show Hannibal. You may think that’s not too big of a deal, but take a look at these TV censorship issues of the past.

Lucy isn’t pregnant, she’s having a baby

They have to sleep in different beds, but It’s okay for Mr. Van Dyke to do whatever this is.

One of the most famous sitcoms all time was I Love Lucy. One of the biggest events was when Lucy became pregnant. Except they couldn’t say that. The word pregnant was considered inappropriate to say on the air. It’s surprising that it was even okay to show her getting a big belly, and they didn’t instead just show a stork delivering the child.

Rob & Laura sleep in different beds

The Dick Van Dyke Show was about Rob Petrie, his wife Laura and their son Richie. But what’s unclear is how that son came to be since Rob and Laura slept in separate beds. It was simply not allowed for them to be sharing a bed. But we all know that Richie’s existence must mean at some point one of them made an inappropriate visit to the other’s bed. Or immaculate conception.

Speaking of Dick Van Dyke. He once got in trouble for ab libbing a joke on live TV that had the punch line of “Old Fart”.

Don’t look at Jeanie’s Bely Button

They’ll show bare butts on prime time TV now, but fifty years ago they couldn’t even show a belly button. On I Dream of Jeanie, the title character wore quite a revealing outfit for the time. But censors drew the line at her naval and made sure it was always covered up by a jewel or a veil or something.

At first the censors didn’t even want her living in the same house as a man she wasn’t married too, but decided it was okay once the writers made it clear she slept in a bottle. Of course even if they were married, they apparently wouldn’t be allowed to sleep in the same bed, so what does it matter. One would have to wonder how big of a heart attack these censors would of had after viewing an episode of Will and Grace.

Nicolas Cage plays a treasure hunter in the movie National Treasure, in real life Mr. Cage didn’t hunt, but rather just bought his treasure. Mr. Cage’s poor spending habits is the reason why he’s so many movies now. He bought so much crap he put himself in a debt that MC Hammer could admire.

Here’s a just few of the rings Mr. Cage wasted his money on:

Dinosaur Skull

Mr. Cage spent close to a million dollars outbidding Leonardo DiCaprio for a dinosaur skull. Most of us have to go to a museum to see a prehistoric skull, but not ol’ Nick. All he has to do is walk into his pantry (which is where I assumer he keeps it, next to the Double Stuff Oreos).  For those of us who can’t get movie roles where we get our heads put in a basket of bees, we have to pay the suggested donation of $19. At that price Mr. Cage would only have to look at that skull 21,000 times for it to start to pay for itself.

Comics

Mr. Cage has an obsession with Superman. He was even signed up to play Supes in a movie that we can thank God was never made. He owned tons of valuable comics, including Action Comics #1 (the first appearance of Superman). Unfortunately, Mr. Cage wound up having to sell all his comics for 1.5 million dollars. Poor guy just can’t get a break.

A Car

Mr. Cage owns lots of cars. No big deal, so does Jay Leno and lots of celebrities. That’s not too weird. But if you want an example of Mr. Cage’s poor spending habits, this is a perfect example. He bought a Lamborghini Miura SVJ for close to a half a million dollars even though it was only worth about half that. It used to belong to the Shah of Iran if that makes you feel better.

Castle

Yeah, Nic Cage owns a castle. Here I am excited to get a coupon for four free sliders from White Castle and this guy owns a castle. He doesn’t live there or anything (he owns about five mansions that are probably a little less drafty), he just has it.

Shruken Heads

Who knows how much Mr. Cage spent on his shrunken heads. In theory he shouldn’t own them, because it’s illegal to import them. So either Mr. Cage had them imported illegally or he had some hobos killed and got their heads shrunk. Either way, it’s probably expensive.