So, you’ve died. You want to buried in a cemetery? Pfft, that’s not very original. Want your ashes scattered across a river? Meh, it’s been done. Want to buried under a football field? Sorry, Jimmy Hoffa has beat you to it.
No, you deserve something truly original. How about having ashes placed inside a bust of President Obama’s head? Now, we’re talking.
For the low price of $2,600 you can get this lovely urn that looks like Obama’s mug. I can’t think of a better way to support a Democrat after you’ve passed away, except for all the dead people that voted.
I would rather have my ashes put into George W. Bush’s head, it’s a lot emptier in there.
We wanted to pay less taxes, so we killed 24,000 British soldiers.
We wanted even more land, so we killed another 20 million or so American Indians.
We wanted Texas, so we killed 60,000 Mexicans.
We didn’t want states to secede from the union (also to end slavery), so we killed 500,000 Americans.
We decided we wanted a new military base (and a nice vacation spot) so we overthrew the Hawaiian King.
We didn’t want communism to spred, so we killed 2,000,000 Koreans.
We didn’t like the ruler of Cuba, so we tried to have him assassinated, repeatedly.
We still didn’t want communism to spread, so we killed 2,000,000 Vietnamese.
We wanted to pay less for oil, so we killed 150,000 Iraqis.
We’ve always gotten what we wanted via violence and killing. So why are we drawing the line at social justice?
Ever wonder how Sumo Wrestlers get their training? Neither have I, but i bet if you did you wouldn’t picture a bunch of big shirtless Asian men sitting in a classroom. But you should, well, actually you don’t have to. Check out this picture:
Sumo hopefuls spend six month learning their wrestling moves, but then another six in a regular classroom learning calligraphy, sports medicine, the history of sumo, biology, social studies and… traditional singing. I do not know why we’ve never seen a singing sumo wrestler, but I have a new goal in my life now.