FDA scientists were pleased to announce that they finished work on the "Food Sphere" yesterday. It's a follow-up to the "Food Pyramid" that cost about 536 million dollars to produce.|
"This is what you've been waiting for," some government scientist who probably makes to much announced, "At last we can help Americans eat healthier through the miracle of the sphere."
Critics were fast to point out that the food sphere is nothing but the food pyramid with an extra side.
"The extra side is important, it adds more pictures of the foods in each area," the same government guy as previously mentioned told us.
Another change is a bottle of Pepsi added to the bottom area, which is reserved for foods that should be consumed the most.
"We put that there after Pepsi agreed to help us fund future projects, such as a new graph indicating average amount of cookies eaten by pregnant women, by giving us a large sum of money. This money is important to us scientists so we can continue to research these projects, it's not like we just copy this stuff out of the latest issue of TIME."
A round of sarcastic laughter followed this statement from the scientists.
The food sphere also features an American flag on the top "to help fight terrorism."
We also assured that it isn't French bread that appears in the "grains" section, but the tastier "Freedom Bread".