COCA-COLA INTRODUCES NON-TIPABLE MACHINE
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The first non-tipable coke machine was put in place yesterday as Coca-cola hoped to reduce vandalism. This new machine is designed to be impossible to be knocked over. "Every year hundreds are coke machines are tipped over and ruined," a man with very bad teeth representing the Coca-Cola company said, "This is costing us thousands a year to fix or replace these machines, a cost that eventually passed on to the customer." The new machine will be impossible to tip over thanks to "weeble" technology. "I first got the idea when I was playing with my Fisher Price weebles. I thought, 'Hey! Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down! Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down!'" The new machine does indeed feature a rounded bottom, kind of shaped like an egg, just like the Weebles. The bottom is perfectly aligned. Tipping only causes it to sway back a forth a couple of times before it just stands right back up. "This machine knows how to defend itself. If you push, it'll push back." No word yet on how dangerous these machines will be. But why do people knock over coke machines anyway? According to experts, it's actually poor teens addicted the caffeine, hoping to tip it over and expose it's sweet contents. However, our bad teethed friend from Coca-Cola disagrees. "It's that damn Jerry Seinfeld's fault. In an episode of Seinfeld he compared 'not giving up' to tipping over a Coke machine. Saying, 'You can't just tip it over, you got to rock it back forth a couple of times.' Of course, kids will do anything they see on TV. And of course Seinfeld gave away the whole secret of how to do it too." Expect to see the new machines wobbling at a mall near you soon. |
 The new coke machine in action
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