80s SITCOM STAR, ALF, DEAD AT 56
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Hollywood morned the death of yet another celebrity as beloved actor Alf died earlier today after choking on a cat. Alf is best remembered playing an alien on the 80s sitcom sharing his name. Popularity of the sitcom soared, but Alf's uncontrolled addiction to Garbage Pail Kids caused him to take an early exit after just 4 seasons. The show was retooled with Henry Winkler taking over as the lead, but failed to retain viewers. After cleaning up and going straight in the '90s Alf still had a hard time finding work. He went on to star in a series of porno movies with moderate success. Finaly, after no longer being able to get work even in adult films, Alf sunk to his lowest, starring in series of long distance telephone commercials with fellow loser Mike Piazza. Alf's, whose full name was Alfred Slovanowich, death has not been ruled as a suicide as many suspected or hoped. Now that he's dead, The Hallmark channel announced it will begin showing ALF now twice a day since it no longer has to pay royalties. There will be a small funeral at the McDonalds on 5th and 42nd st. in NYC followed by the flushing of ALF down a toliet. |
 Alf, dead! |
