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X-Box Falls Off Shelf, Kills Man

A man was killed yesterday when an X-Box video game console fell of a store shelf and crushed him.

The console, which weighs an estimated 200 lbs. and is about the length of five Mattel Electronic Football fields, was on the top shelf in the video game aisle. The X-Box must not have been properly balanced because it fell without notice onto the individual.

Experts are calling this the worse video game related disaster since the Mortal Kombat wars of 1995.

"This is the worst video game related disaster since the Mortal Kombat wars," said one such expert, "This is almost as bad as the time in 1989 when that guy played Tetris for 87 hours straight, went insane, and killed 50 people by throwing blocks off the Empire State Building.

Many consider the X-Box the most dangerous system (one teenager called it "bas ass"), but the worse may yet to come. Microsoft has already announced the "Y-Box" as a follow up. It will weigh about twice as much and according to Bill Gates, "will probably be better as far as graphics and stuff go too."

Mr. Fish says: What the hell kind of name is X-Box anyway? Did it use to be a box, but now it's not? And what about gamecube? So stupid. And Playstation? Sounds like a Fisher price toy.

Lance Froman says: Gamecube is cool. I got this new game called Lost Kingdoms. You kill monsters by putting cards down and you get to be a princess!!

Nick Crudpants says: That sounds pretty gay to me.

Mike Rapstinks says: Gay? I'm offended by that! Not that I have any reason to be...