Welcome to your source for everything you'll ever need to know! * Now featuring an annoying scrolling marquee! * So I says to Mable, I says...

Fake News

This great nation fell under attack once again. The orange alert prophecy had come true causing New York to declare a state of emergency. All the duct tape in the world couldn't prepare the people of the east coast for the disaster that unfolded before them.

Businesses unable to do business. People trapped in their house. Cars immobilized. Schools closed. All has a result on the biggest attack on New York since September 11th (that's September 11, 2001 not 2002. Nothing special happened on September 11, 2002 except some memorial services.. and, oh, I finally beet Bowser at the end of Super Mario Sunshine. It was so cool, he was in this bathtub with his son... hmmm... sound like something Michael Jackson would do). All of tri-state area had been covered in a fine white substance. But this time it wasn't anthrax or the dust of a collapsed building. It wasn't even the seaman of a very large man who took those "I Love NY" shirts to seriously. No, this time the state had been bombarded by snow.

Many Americans ran inside as quick as possible and covered their windows with plastic and duct tape to protect them from the horror outside.

"I got every window covered with duct tape to protect I went to every store looking for duct tape but they were all sold out," said Joe Snark who answered the door when we knocked on it, "luckily I was able to buy a roll on eBay for $200."

Others, fed up of hiding, went outside and battled the evil with snow shovels.

"I wish they would hurry up and just bomb the whole middle east," a scary dude shoveling his walk told us, "I think it's more than Ironic that there isn't any snow in Iraq and some how it all winds up here."

President Douche Bush promised in a statement earlier today to hurry up the bombing on Iraq.

Meanwhile the French have refused to help us bomb the country.

"How dare they have an opinion," said James Montern as he sat on his porch with a rifle in one hand, a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other, "after we helped free them from the Germans in WW2. They should be our slaves now. Perhaps we should of just let them be under Hitler's rule, he wasn't such a bad guy."

More on this story when I feel like writing it...

Mr. Fish shovels the cheesegod.com walk

This made hasn't quite gotten use to using duct tape