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How to Support Our Troops



There are so many ways to support the troops overseas.  You could send them a care package, donate your old cell phone at a drop off point like those at Penn Station, support increased funding for pay and health benefits, or even not send them off to die without good reason.   Those could all be considered good ways.  But don't you wish there was a better, lazier way to help out our troops.


Well, stop your wishing.  Those genius businessmen have thought of a great way.  Ribbon car magnets!   These great magnets can easily be affixed to the back of your all American Hummer, which, ironically guzzles enough gas to guarantee we'll need to send our troops to a few more oil rich nations in need of "liberation."


One of the best things about these ribbons are that they are magnets instead of stickers.  They won't do any damage to your beautiful big American car, which symbolizes Americans desire to have everything big in the world and your own special way to say, "Screw You" to the terrorists, as well as the rest of the world (and the environment too).   When they become passť you can just rip 'em off and throw them in the back of the garage along with that old tattered faded flag.  


Have you seen people still driving around with American flags on there antennas?   It's so 2001!  Have you seen people driving with tattered American flags?  That's so 2002.  And what about the people driving around without any type of American symbols at all?  As if they don't care at all?  Very 2003.  But alas here in 2004 we have these wonderful car magnets.


            If don't feel like supporting our troops though you'll be happy to here that there are many variations to choose from.  You can get one that proclaims your love of being American.  You can get one in the shape of Iraq holding a lasso and wearing a cowboy hat.  Speaking of Iraq, one variation offers the declaration "Half My Heart Is In Iraq."  You can also purchase on that looks like a football, so you can show your support for the sport.  After all if people don't show their support for such things they might cancel it!  


Then you have the wonderful magnet that lists all Ten Commandments.  When I first heard about this magnet I wondered how any driver behind you would be able read it without a telescope.  Then I noticed the dimension for this magnet was 5 feet tall by 5 inches wide.  This could fit on nothing less than a Hummer.  And just what kind of bumper sticker (err... magnet, whatever it is) is 5 inches wide and 5 feet tall?


But my favorite has to be the 'Pray For Our President' car magnet.  I assume you would pray for the president the same way you'd pray for anyone in trouble or who has a brain tumor. 


You'll be happy to hear also that these magnets were manufactured in what of the freest countries in the world: China.  Wow, what a great way to show our love for the good ol' U S of A.