Plagued by the decline of intelligence of the people in the United States, Border’s Books has announced they’re dropping books from their stock.
“They’re just taking up valuable space from the CDs, DVDs, and puppy calendars,” we were told by Border’s stock boy, Steve Guttenburg, who we suspect is the very same person who starred in the Police Academy movies, just older… and more pathetic (if possible) now.
Border’s will still cary books-on-tape because they’re the only type of book that doesn’t require reading.
“I try reading a book, but after the first page I’m bored to tears. Like I really care what a character may be thinking or feeling,” books-on-tape advocate Tony Catsup told us.
Some however fear this is just another nail in the coffin for an intellectual society.
“This is just another nail in the coffin for an intellectual society,” some person whose good for us simple Arrested Development fans. (NOTE: I just reread this article I had typed almost 3 years ago. I have no idea what this last sentence means, or was suppose to mean. Oh well. -ED 9/19/07)
Some books will still be sold just for novelty purposes. People will be able to buy them so they can put them on their shelves so they will look sophisticated to those who visit them.
Border’s will also use some of it’s now bookless space for it’s new MP3-on-DVDs.
“We’re not sure what a MP3-on-DVD is, but it’s got both DVD and MP3 in the name. And that’s what the kids are into these days. That and GameBoy… and Pokemon… Or is that still cool?,” Guttenburg told us, “Is it? Hello? Are you listening to what I’m saying? I’m asking you aquestion? Can you stop writing what I’m saying for one second and tell me if pokemon still popular. Why are you even still writing what I’m saying for anyway? It’s not like you’re going to put any of this in your article!”