That green logo may help save the environment, but it didn't do much good for Heroes.

These days everyone is talking about saving the environment. Well, not everyone. I mean, Congress is trying to cut the budget of the EPA and Americans are consuming tons and tons of bottled water instead of drinking it from the tap. And those damn cows don’t seem to care, they just keep farting out their methane. And I’ve never heard my dentist Larry mention the environment even once! It’s always “brush that”, “floss this”, “your teeth won’t hold up if you keep chewing on that rusty fishing hook you found in the alley behind Friendlys”.

Still, Earth day is coming up, which means at least some people will pretend to care. Disney will release another nature documentary (this year is African Cats, don’t know why they didn’t take my rabid doxie idea) and NBC will turn their logo green which I’m sure will save a couple of trees somehow. But I’m really going to talk about it. Here I’m going to give you a great way to help stop polluting earth.

My prototype. A design so elegant it makes Apple products look like Willam Dafoe's face.


As you already know, Brita filters are a great way to clean water before you drink it. It makes sense that we would want to only put good clean things inside our bodies. But what do we do with the water after we drink it? Well, we turn it into urine and flush it down the toilet. After that, if the stories my mother told me are true, it goes through a super long pipe and pours out to the ocean where it just sits and that’s why you shouldn’t go too deep into the ocean because you’ll just be swimming in dirty pee and everyone will hate you.

That’s why I’ve invented a Brita filter for your toilet. The concept is simple. Just place this item into your toilet. Now every time you flush, this wonderful device will turn your disgusting waste into nice clean water for fish to swim in. I made a prototype up, but unfortunately the first time I tested it out it got stuck in the pipes. My toilet overflowed and ruined my collectable Yahoo Serious doll I just happen to keep right next to the toilet.  Now my bathroom is unusable and I have to pee out the window, which is beginning to anger the people whose balcony is one floor below.

Despite these setbacks I’m taking preorders for this revolutionary product. Just send $200.89 plus $4.95 shipping and handling. I also hope to also soon have it available on Amazon just as soon as they stop hanging up on me.

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