This former Texas Ranger’s owner is confused who to root for.

Now that the Yankees and Phillies have been eliminated from post season play, fans don’t know who to root against.

“It’s a shame,” baseball fan Mark Mulchaly said as he sulked over a beer, “I bought a Yankee cap I was planning on burning during the first game.. but now… I don’t know.”

The World Series, now a match up between Texas and San Francisco, has left many scratching their heads.

“I don’t know who to hate,” Pirates fan Scott Boutier told with head in a gas oven, “I thought about hating Texas because of that horrible frozen toast… but I don’t know.. it doesn’t seem like enough.”

FOX, fearing that they now hold the TV rights to one of the lowest rated World Series ever, has recruited the help of their sister network: FOX News.

“America must root against San Francisco,” Bill O’Reilly whispered to the stuffed bear he calls Madeline in the padded room they keep him in when he’s not doing his show, “San Francisco is the home of Gays, if they win, us straights lose.”

Despite Bill O’Reilly’s history of influence over pathetic people, he doesn’t seem to have Met’s fans convinced.

“Sorry, I still hate Philadelphia and their stupid wannabe Steakumm sandwiches,” Mets fan Dave McCaffey shouted over a phone to WFAN, a sports station where fans like to pretend they matter, “maybe I could hate San Francisco if they still had Bonds… but now… meh.”

MLB usually counts on the Yankees to provide the hatred, and the ratings, but they were eliminated earlier this week by Texas. When asked to comment every Yankees fan told us the exact same thing: “27 ringsssss…. bitch!”

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