Pending approval, the Republican party will soon merge with AOL Time Warner.

AOL Time Warner, the industry giant responsible for such crap as CNN, TBS, Time Magazine, a book series about UFO’s, and pioneers of making people pay twenty-five dollars to look at advertisements (aka AOL), has bought out most of the republican party to become the primary (ha ha… primary, get it? It’s a pun… just not a very good one.) shareholder and help me create this very long run on sentence.

“We here at AOL are very happy to have made this acquisition,” an operator told us, after being on hold for two hours, during which we had to listen to that damn “Hey DJ” song twenty times with a couple of “Magic Sticks” thrown in for good will. “My supervisor told me that if I upgraded enough people to AOL for Broadband, they’d make me Governor of New Mexico.”

According to AOL’s website, at least the parts we could read that weren’t covered up by AOL’s “special offers”, they hope to use the republican party to help pass anti-spam laws, so only AOL themselves will be able to jam ads down their customers throats.

“It’s an exciting day for all of us here at AOL, we are so…” Is what a voice clip of AOL spokesperson Randall was saying before we got disconnected from the service.

We’ll have more on this, as soon as we manage to get reconnected, or switch to a better service.

Remever when AOL came on a floppy? Ah, those were the days.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.