In the flipping flopping world of international intelligence another sub chapter has emerged. On Monday President Bush showed proof that Iran is indeed developing Nuclear Weapons in the form of a text message from Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
“You liberal thinkers are thinking to liberally,” Bush told a crowd of reporters and, for some reason, his toy Furby, “but here in my hand I have proof. Proof that Iran is indeed not only making WMD, but already have said WMD.”
This statement confused the room of reporters since the only thing anyone saw Bush holding was the Furby. Even the Furby looked a tad confused. But then Bush raised his other hand to show his Sidekick phone and the room of reporters, and the Furby, suddenly returned to their normal state of confusion.*
“Here, on my sidekick I have a text from one of my “five”, Mr. Ahmanin.. omahaw.. ahmandijoin.. the Iran president.”
Bush then held out his phone. The room fell silent. Since no one could read the phone since it was very far away from anyone to be able to read anything off the screen. Also, every reporter in the room was, as usual, at least the age of 92 years old and most likely didn’t even know what a “sidekick” was. One reporter in the back was heard to mutter, “That’s a sidekick? Eh, it’s no Ed McMann.”
After a few hours of silence one reporter finally fessed up that no one knew what was going on and Bush revealed to the sleepy crowd what the text message said:
“ur so dum. Ive WMD! I Win, u Lose.”
Still, no one knew what was going on. But still, reporters rushed out to print “the truth” while MSNBC and FOX News pulled random teenagers off the street, dubbing them “Texting Experts”, asking them for their professional insight on live TV.
Democracy lives on…
*There’s always some confusion at press conferences at the White House. Reasons for this include the vaudeville act performed by cabinet members Robert Gates and Carlos Guiterrez beforehand to warm up the crowd and the 5 foot tall poster for Small Wonder that hangs outside in the hallway.