Fox News has made the ultimate attempt to remain the number one network. They have offered every politician a chance to have… um… the Washington Monument spit shined.

As anyone with an IQ high enough not to watch FOX NEWS knows, FOX NEWS had become the number one network by being the official propaganda station for the US government and for getting exclusive news stories that other networks wouldn’t report because they had more journalistic integrity. But FOX wants to make sure they remain on their top post, and what better way than by working construction on the old Lincoln Log.

While every congress member and senator we talked to refused to comment we did manage to hear some insight from Joe Orsulak, our anonymous inside source on hanging chads.

“FOX NEWS’s first taker was none other than Mr. Thurmand who got to become a stiff in one way before the other thanks to the aggressive style of Bill O’Reilly,” Orsulak told us, “He showed them all his ‘Dixie’ party platform.”

It comes as no surprise to many that FOX has resorted to this, as they basically have been doing it to a lesser extent for years. Many in the news industry was unfazed when they heard Hillary Clinton got to smoke another man’s cigar.

It remain to be seen how any of this may affect the news industry, but in the mean time all 82 democratic presidential hopefuls have had the pleasure licking Bush, something none of them will likely do in next years election.

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