Hello fellow Nintendo fanatics! This week the Nintendo Gods’ themselves granted me the honor of getting to be one of the first to try out their brand new MMO they are working on, “Super Mario: Battle for the Mushroom Kingdom.”
Nintendo led me through some pretty intense security measures so I could play this fine game. First they invaded my house in the middle of the night, chloroformed my mom, blindfolded and tied up my dog, and then finally knocked me out with a large blunt object, possibly a PS3.
When I woke up a day later I was in the back of a van with a bag over my head. I could hear some guys talking Japanese. However, one guy kept talking about kicking asses and taking names. I said, “Is that you, Reggie?” All though, in hindsight that probably wasn’t a good idea, cause they realized I was awake and hit me in the head with an even larger object, possibly an X-Box.
Finally, when I awoke from the coma, I found myself in an empty airplane hanger. It was just me, two armed guards, a TV with a Wii hooked up to it, and an odd looking fellow wearing a cat suit and a Nixon mask smoking a cigar.
The Nixon guy shouted something in Japanese and pointed at the TV, I walked over to it, turned it on, and then my head exploded with delight. On the screen was the long rumored, little confirmed, MMO that was all the rage last week on Digg. All I could think about was how jealous the guys over at the Planet Gamecube boards were going to be when they heard about this.
I quickly started the game and was brought to the character creation screen. I chose to make myself a human plumber, I though about being a goomba or a magikoopa, but I decided to go the traditional route.
The opening quickly explains how Bowser has finally caught Mario and is now reeking havoc on the mushroom kingdom. Desperate for help, Luigi has opened a warpzone between Brooklyn and the Mushroom Kingdom.
After completing the tutorial level I am dumped into a village of Toads. I found another player, a level 7 Power-Up Shyguy, who helped me out by tossing me mushrooms and Fire Flowers while I kill off koopa turtles in the Mushroom forest.
After getting to level 3 I decide to run some quests. An NPC Toadette asks me to pick her some turnips from the garden. The garden is on the other side of the forest, so I jump on a Yoshi and ride my way over. After bringing her back the turnips, Toadette awards me with 300xp and a +5 Squash Power Overalls.
It was about this point the Nixon Cat man shouted something and TV imploded. I guess my time was up. One of the guards came up to me, made me sign a Non-disclosure agreement, and then chopped off one of my fingers.
They told me as long as I didn’t tell anyone about these events that transpired I’d get my finger back once the NDA was up. But I didn’t want to betray my loyal readers and keep secrets from them. Who needs all 10 fingers anyway.