Death rumors of Osama Bin Laden were confirmed yesterday when US Troops were attacked by the Zombie Bin Laden.
“It was crazy,” said Prvt. Joe Orsulak, “We were just minding our own business, taking a stroll down the streets of Baghdad, when all the sudden he jumped out from inside a sand dune. He started scratching at us and telling us about how he wanted our imperialist brains. He took a bite right out of Craig’s head.”
The surprised troops shot at the Zombie Bin Laden, but didn’t get far. The bullets traveled right through Osama as he continued his attack. It wasn’t until one brave soldier took out the Haliburton brand Zombie Head Remover that the deceased Bin Laden got scared and retreated.
“Democrats questioned the 2.1 billion dollar acquisition of the Zombie Head Removers for our US Troops last year,” Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld roared at the White House press core, “I think we all have to ask ourselves. Do the Democrats love America, or do they love zombie terrorists?”
Troops are currently investigating the attack to see if this was an isolated incident.
“We think it may have happened before,” Sgt. Jeff McKnight told us, “We’re always finding troops missing their brains. We had previously thought the Iraqi insurgents had found a way to shrink down themselves, fly tiny planes into our ears, and then suicide bomb our brains.”
US Troops in Iraq had been wearing Haliburton brand Ear Muffs to protect themselves against such an attack.