Yesterday the official color guardian of the United States spun his magical color wheel and announced that the nation was back up to Orange alert.

A terrorist attack could be iminant. We could all die. Better go back out and get that duck tape. Osama is knocking on your door.

This is everything we’ve been told, well not everything. We’ve also being told not to panic. To go out about our normal business.

The Government tells us we should go about things as if the terror alert was never raised… SO WHY THE HELL DID THEY RAISE IT?

At any rate, the military is taking precautions. By posting soldiers in important building they’ve ensured us that if terrorists attack any of these points a couple of army guys will die this time too.

So far we haven’t been told to buy any duct tape or plastic sheets, which is okay because all the idiots who bought it last time still have it. Of course all of us who didn’t buy it last time are alright because we’re not idiots who think clear plastic will save our lives.

But it doesn’t matter, because we’ve have far more to fear. Jim Carry’s new movie opens this weekend.

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