|If you live in New York City you have been through a lot lately. First smoking is banned from restaurants. Then the price of the pay toilets go up to $2.00… I mean the Subways. So it costs you more to get to work each day, but it doesn’t matter because you’ve laid off.So you decide to walk down to the bar and drown your sorrows… sorry pal. Mayor Mike Bloomberg announced yesterday that drinking will no longer be permited in bars.
“For the safety of the bartender we have decided to ban all alcohol consumption in bars,” Bloomberg told a group of unemployed sanitation workers who were coming to pick up there last pay check.
“Well there’s a chance when someone is drunk they’ll vomit. And there are a lot of blood borne pathogens in vomit. In these days with SARS and all you can’t be too safe,” Bloomberg then boarded his private jet as he prepared to leave.
While bar owners are concerned that sales might go down and force them to lose business, Bloomberg assured them that they’d still be able to serve drinks. Patrons, however, would have to walk out to the street to actually consume them.
As Bloomberg’s jet began to take off, it experienced engine trouble and caught on fire. Because all the fire fighters in the local firehouse had been laid off the fire wasn’t put out for three hours. Bloomberg was badly burnt, but is okay now as he bought a new body from a desperate laid off cop who wasn’t crooked enough to support himself through these tough times.