From Mail & Guardian Online

[Paris Hilton] on Tuesday appealed to fans to sign an online petition urging California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to commute her 45-day sentence for driving while disqualified. "If the late former president Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon former president Richard Nixon after his mistake(s)," reads the appeal, "we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we expect that the governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request."

First of all, who in the Water World would be a Paris Hilton fan? Someone hoping one day to be an alcoholic? A drug addict? A whore? Someone who loves bad acting? Someone who loves staying at Hilton hotels? I don't get it.

I love the whole Hilton as Nixon thing. They're so much a like. Let's see Nixon opened up diplomatic relations with China, helped create the EPA, reformed the postal service, indexed Social Security for inflation and added Supplemental security income. And Paris Hilton gave us a remake of House of Wax. So I can see how they're the same.

Meh, what is with some people?

Labels: drugs, Nixon, paris hilton

The search wars are heating up. MSN has just added Google like ads to it's seaches. Ask Jeeves just introduced a new, sexier, version of their buttler. Lycos has taken out an ad in the back of the village voice in the classifieds. And Webcrawler has announced to their own surprise that they still exist.

So what is current search king Google doing about it? Well, continuing in their tradition in introducing a new feature every month (Gmail, Video Search, Google Maps, Jock Strap size search) they have brought out perhaps the most popular one to date, the hacked Sidekick search.

With more and more people purchasing cellphones because they want to be cool like Snoop Dog and less because of useful features (like security) it has become easier to take advantage of them. With all these sidekicks becoming hacked everyday someone has to keep track of them. And that someone is Google. Or that something is Google. I guess Google isn't a person. Sometimes I wish it was. I'd comb her hair and she'd invent new ways to defrost chili.

No longer will you have to search through back issues of 2600 to find the number for Tony Danza. While most celebrities seem to hate the idea, 50 cent has already been involved in 13 shooting over the subject, some are embracing it.

"I got two phone calls today," John Larroquette excitingly told us, "that's the most I've gotten since I wrote my number on a bathroom stall. Although one call was just to ask if I had Chi McBride's number. I know him, you know. Yep! He was on my show back in the '90s. He played a janitor, I was the star! He thinks he's so big, being in I Robot and The Terminal! Well things are happening for me too! I'm currently filming a Meow Mix commercial... you don't actually see my face, but you can see my hand open a can of Tuna n' Pork!"

Meanwhile Paris Hilton also welcomed to additional calls from men. It has allowed her to be able to complete her goal of sleeping with 536 men a week by Friday, leaving her the weekend free to attend to her other hobbies, like getting drunk and sleeping with more men.

Labels: 536, cell phones, chi mcbride, google, john larroquette, paris hilton, sidekick