12/31/2007
  Taco Bell is Healthy
Just watched the Modern Marvels about Fast Food Tech on that there History network. A couple of things stand out to me.

First, an "expert" said that more people are eating Mexican food because they see it contains lettuce, tomatoes, and tortillas and think it's healthy. What? Anyone who's stupid enough to think Taco Bell is good for them probably deserve the healthy problems they are probably going to get. Let me give all our readers a helpful hint about food, if it makes you have explosive diarrhea, that's your body telling you it wants the food the hell out of it. If the food looks like gonorrhea before you eat it, perhaps you should pass.

Also, what's the History Channel's obsession with aligning food up. Before every commercial break is a fact about how if you put every French fry sold at McDonald's side by side it would wrap around the earth 20 times, or if you stacked up every pita from Taco Bell it'd be taller than the Empire State Building. Is this the only way we can measure how much food a retailer sells? When White Castle places an order with their distributer do they just ask for a couple of cases? Or do they instead ask for enough pickles to fill a kiddie pool?

By the way, their is really nothing on TV to watch anymore. Silly writers strike.

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  6:48:00 PM 0 Comments
11/17/2006
  Money making money
It's been widely reported that it now costs 1.4 cents to make a penny. In other words, the US treasury is actually spending more to make money, than the money they're making is worth. Luckily cheesegod.com is here with a solution:



Ads on money! Why not?

Next time you spend a dollar, why not be told you could be "saving dollars" on your car insurance at Geico?

How about a coupon on that dollar that tells you that, "if you spend this dollar at blockbuster video, you'll get 10% off your rental price."

Or how about a simple statement that their are many fine items I could use this dollar for on the dollar menu at Wendy's?

It's obvious, the dollar is a symbol of America, and just about the only inch of this nation not already completely plastered with ads. It's time to have a currency that really represents America.

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  12:46:00 PM 0 Comments
3/12/2004
  McDonald's Dumps Supersize, Adds Megasize

Health advocates applauded McDonald's decision to remove their "Super Size" items from the menu. But they might be turning their grins upside down when they hear the news of what McDonalds has up it's sleeves.


"The supersize never sold well," Pimply teenage McDonalds's employee Joe Orsulak told us, "Some say it was too much food, but we think it's the opposite. That's why we're introducing the MegaSize."


McDonalds may have done away with it's 44oz Cola, but it's replacement will be 3 gallons. And the fries... don't ask about the fries.


You may think this news is great, being that you are most likely a obese gross person.* But what about the health issues.


"I eat McDonald's everyday, I get free meals as one of my benefits, the other one is the free uniform, and I notice no bad effects," Orsulak told us as he wiped the gooze coming out of a recently popped pimple from his fat face.


Plus, theirs more good news for health conscious McDonald's fans. The carb content in the fries has been cut by two! So even though it's overflowing with grease and high in fat it's Atkins safe.



McDonalds's expects to introduce these new sizes as soon as they get their purchase orders approved for the industrial strength toilets they'll need.



*Our studies show that most of the visitors to the site our gross obese people accidentally misspelling the web address cheesegood.com

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  10:56:00 AM 0 Comments
9/29/2003
  80s SITCOM STAR, ALF, DEAD AT 56



Hollywood morned the death of yet another celebrity as beloved actor Alf died earlier today after choking on a cat.


Alf is best remembered playing an alien on the 80s sitcom sharing his name. Popularity of the sitcom soared, but Alf's uncontrolled addiction to Garbage Pail Kids caused him to take an early exit after just 4 seasons. The show was retooled with Henry Winkler taking over as the lead, but failed to retain viewers.


After cleaning up and going straight in the '90s Alf still had a hard time finding work. He went on to star in a series of porno movies with moderate success.


Finaly, after no longer being able to get work even in adult films, Alf sunk to his lowest, starring in series of long distance telephone commercials with fellow loser Mike Piazza.



Alf's, whose full name was Alfred Slovanowich, death has not been ruled as a suicide as many suspected or hoped. Now that he's dead, The Hallmark channel announced it will begin showing ALF now twice a day since it no longer has to pay royalties.


There will be a small funeral at the McDonalds on 5th and 42nd st. in NYC followed by the flushing of ALF down a toliet.



Alf, dead!

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  6:12:00 PM 0 Comments