After asking if he'd been tortured in prison:
Are you kidding? Of course I have! You think I wanted to grow this beard? The Americans forced me to!
You don't understand; I could of had class; I could of been a contender; I could of been somebody; instead of a bum, which is what I am. Let's face it.
In a sudden outburst:
Holy sh*t! I just figured it out! This war was all about the oil!
Showing aggression towards officials questioning him:
You see what I'm doing? I'm pretending my fingers are guns and I'm shooting you! Scared?
Again on prison torture:
I offered to be led around naked on a leash. That would of been nice. That Lynndie England chick is hot.
I will confess to these crimes.... if you can snatch this pen from my hand.
Cheesegod.com has learned that International Terrorist Osama Bin Laden has been diagnosed with depression.
"Nobody wants to pay any attention to him anymore," Bin Laden's psychiatrist told us. "Everything is Hussein this and Hussein that. Sure Hussein killed and gassed a few people here and there, but that's nothing compared to Osama."
Neighbors have told us he barely ever leaves his cave anymore. He just hangs out all day in his robe and slippers on. Sounds of his sobbing often echoes from within.
"He always yelling, 'Who's building do you have to fly a plane into to get some attention around here!,'" one neighbor told us as she walked her poodle.
Reports indicate that Osama was especially upset when he heard that Bush want to spend an additional 87 billion dollars in Iraq, more than twice that being spent on homeland security.
"That money should be used to stop me, not Saddam. First he gets the credit for 9/11, now this," Osama has been known to cry out while sleeping.
"He just want attention," his psychiatrist told us in addition to what we already quoted him on above, "He's not such a bad guy. He just does bad things so people will pay attention to him. He's lonely. Poor guy."
