I was checking out Google Hot Trends, a list of top rising search results, and was disturbed by what I found. No, I'm not referring to the fact that David Hyde Pierce for some reason made the top of the list on November 4th. I'm talking about number 64 on the day previous.Now, I should warn you before you go click on that link and then ultimately follow it through to the video, that to only do so if you are one hell of a sick bastard.
Luckily, I read a description first, and was able to avoid the life scaring event that would occur if I had watched this piece of crap*.
In a nut shell, the video includes two girls kissing, defecating in a cup, drinking out of that cup, and then kissing again.
Now, despite the fact that this is obviously the worse thing to hit the web since goatse, or David Hyde Pierce, it's not so much the content of the video I'm overly consered with. I suppose anyone who gets turned on by poo needs to get their jollies somehow. No, it's the fact that it made it to number 64 on the Google Hot Trends list. How many damn people out there are into feces?
Can the internet users possibly paint themselves to be any more horrible? This and MySpace man. Proof that the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
*Literally!
QUOTE:
[Larry has rented Balki a tuxedo]
Balki Bartokomous: Yours?
Larry Appleton: Yes.
Balki Bartokomous: Yours... looks... just like mine.
Larry Appleton: Yes.
Balki Bartokomous: But if we dress alike, how will people tell us apart?
Larry Appleton: Dental records.
-Perfect Strangers
Labels: david hyde pierce, feces, goatse, google, myspace, perfect starngers
¶ 11:13:00 AM
Moving out of your parents house is huge step in the path to independence from creepy guy living in his parents' basement. It's a well known fact that most of these creeps surf the internet anywhere from 0 to 24 hours a day. So there's a good chance you, the reader, might be one of these guys. Therefore I'm going to share some of my vast experience of the subject with you poor fools. After I moved out of parents house I had a hard time adjusting. I probably should of figured out what I was going to do before I moved out, you know like decided where I'd live, where I'd get money, or learn how to cut the crust off my peanut butter and jelly sandwiched myself.
I moved to Greece for a while. I remember learning when I was a child that the Gods lived at the Acropolis. Unfortunately when I got there all I found was a stray cat roaming around. I worshiped the cat for a while until one day a dog killed it. I thought maybe the dog was the real God letting me know that I'd been worshiping a fake God, but I also wondered if the dog was actually the devil. It was all very confusing, so I moved back to America where I can find a Jesus in every church to worship.
Life was hard when I got back, I needed to find a place to live. They say home is where the heart is. That's stupid, I can't live inside my own chest. I've also heard people say "home sweet home." I guessed I'd know when I'd find my home because it'd taste good. This knowledge didn't help me much though. Real Estate brokers tend to give you weird faces if you lick the walls while they're showing you a house. They got pissed and I think I got Tuberculosis, which landed me in the hospital. But that's okay it gave me a place to sleep for a while, well until the nurses kicked me out for tasting the floors.
Eventually I was taken in by some bums who lived behind the 7-Eleven. They actually had a pretty nice set-up. They built a hut out of discarded slurpree syrup. Sometimes the guy who ran the place would feel sorry for us and give us some free big bite hot dogs, which we'd use to lure in rats and pigeons to eat.
Yeah, life was pretty sweet at that point, but it still seemed something was lacking. I'm not sure what is was. Perhaps it was the fact that we had no heating, or roof. We tried to make a roof out of old newspapers once, but people kept coming around reading our house. It was especially annoying when some commuter in a hurry would peel off one of our buttresses off to read on the train. I took my concerns to our lead resident, one leg Willie, but he called me a spoiled brat and kicked me out, well, not literally, Willie doesn't do much kicking anymore. It didn't matter much to me anyway, because although theslurpee was did taste pretty sweet, it just didn't seem right.
So I was on my own again. I spent a couple of nights walking around residential neighbors making a real sad face hoping someone might feel sorry for me and invite me to live with them. When that didn't work I tried sobbing as loudly as possible. That got the cops called anyway, and landed me in jail for the night.
Jail wasn't so bad though, it was free housing as far as I was concerned. I started to commit crimes every night so I could go back to jail. After a couple of nights the cops figured out my game and told me they were not going to arrest me anymore. I tried blowing up a couple of buildings, kidnapping the presidents daughters, not cleaning up after my dog, but the police didn't fall for any of it.
Back to square one, and pretty depressed, I decided to attempt the lowest thing possible. I started an internet blog. Now I'm no longer respected, but with the pennys I make every month off the Google ads I can afford a can of soda. It might not sound like much, but don't worry, I've got it all figured out. I'm going to hold onto that can and eventually the aluminum will go up value, like all precious metals do. It's either that or maybe Google will buy my website for 200 million dollars... hmm I have to remember to put a call in to Larry Page as soon as I save up enough cans to afford a cell phone.
Labels: 7-eleven, bums, god, google, greece, jail, larry page, moving
¶ 8:54:00 AM 
I guess it's lack of sleep that makes the crazy cat lady so crazy!
Labels: google, simpsons, sleep
¶ 6:23:00 PM 
Labels: caveman, george bush, google, pc
¶ 11:03:00 AM 
The search wars are heating up. MSN has just added Google like ads to it's seaches. Ask Jeeves just introduced a new, sexier, version of their buttler. Lycos has taken out an ad in the back of the village voice in the classifieds. And Webcrawler has announced to their own surprise that they still exist.
So what is current search king Google doing about it? Well, continuing in their tradition in introducing a new feature every month (Gmail, Video Search, Google Maps, Jock Strap size search) they have brought out perhaps the most popular one to date, the hacked Sidekick search.
With more and more people purchasing cellphones because they want to be cool like Snoop Dog and less because of useful features (like security) it has become easier to take advantage of them. With all these sidekicks becoming hacked everyday someone has to keep track of them. And that someone is Google. Or that something is Google. I guess Google isn't a person. Sometimes I wish it was. I'd comb her hair and she'd invent new ways to defrost chili.
No longer will you have to search through back issues of 2600 to find the number for Tony Danza. While most celebrities seem to hate the idea, 50 cent has already been involved in 13 shooting over the subject, some are embracing it.
"I got two phone calls today," John Larroquette excitingly told us, "that's the most I've gotten since I wrote my number on a bathroom stall. Although one call was just to ask if I had Chi McBride's number. I know him, you know. Yep! He was on my show back in the '90s. He played a janitor, I was the star! He thinks he's so big, being in I Robot and The Terminal! Well things are happening for me too! I'm currently filming a Meow Mix commercial... you don't actually see my face, but you can see my hand open a can of Tuna n' Pork!"
Meanwhile Paris Hilton also welcomed to additional calls from men. It has allowed her to be able to complete her goal of sleeping with 536 men a week by Friday, leaving her the weekend free to attend to her other hobbies, like getting drunk and sleeping with more men.
Labels: 536, cell phones, chi mcbride, google, john larroquette, paris hilton, sidekick
¶ 10:57:00 AM 
