RANT:

Another week, another recall. It seems these days there is no toy or no food safe enough to eat. Whether it's finding out that the frozen pizza last night might of just given you e coli or Anderson Cooper showing off the asbestos he has floating around in his blood, everything in the media is making us scared of everything. It has come to the point where just approaching the frozen food section of Target makes me start to shake and break out in a cold sweat.

Choosing an item to eat is like spinning the roulette wheel of incurable diseases. Are Bubba burgers still safe to eat, or will I find out tomorrow that they've been injected with lead paint. What about Digiorno's? Is that going to give me herpes? Maybe I'll just stick with the White Castle, sure it'll give me diarrhea, but at least that's all it'll give me... I hope.

Perhaps I'm better off just buying a cow, some chickens, and growing my own crops. Of course the ground is so polluted and the feed for the animals is probably tainted. I'd likely be no better off. That and I'm lazy. I don't even want to clean up after my dog, forget a damn cow.

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TV:
Last night's Simpson's opened up with a joke about those annoying TV bugs that advertise upcoming shows across the lower third of the TV screen.

It's been done before (twice just by The Simpson's itself, once, quite brilliantly, during the Simpson's Movie) but never this violently. A series of show advertisements came on across the screen as Marge put a gruesome end to each, including sticking House's Hugh Laurie in a microwave, then feeding him to Homer as part of a loaf.

I was hoping one of the show bugs Marge destroyed would be Family Guy, which featured a similar gag a couple of weeks earlier. On Family Guy, a bug for The Simpson's was attacked by Quagmire. He raped Marge and then murdered the rest of the Simpson's family. Nothing funnier than rape. This segment didn't air in the US, although I hear it did in Canada. Sorry Canada.

By the way, why can't FOX ever air the Simpson's Halloween special earlier than a week after Halloween? Even with FOX losing the rights to half the baseball postseason this year, they still can't seem to get this show on in time. Stupid Red Sox.

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QUOTE:

"Man, you're like school during the summer. No class."
-Rudy, from Fat Albert.

Labels: bubba, burgers, Canada, e coli, family guy, fat albert, food, pizza, simpsons, white castle

Here are a couple of random thought for this Sunny Sunday in this Jubilant July during this twothousandseventy 2007:

1) The dumbest thing I heard so far today was a guy saying if you drop a penny off the empire state building and it hit the ground hard enough it would flatten out into a quarter. This was said during a special report on 20/20 on the subject, proving that ABC has apparently run of anything close to real news to report.

2) I want to open a restaurant where you can eat the table. The table would be made of wood or Formica just like any other table, but you wouldn't get in trouble if you decided to take a bite out of it unlike a certain diner I ate at last night.

And folk, that may be the dumbest thing you've heard so far today.

3)

Labels: 20/20, abc, food, money

Labels: food, jerkey, slim jim

From the restaurant of the week file, here's an eatery in China I learned about from an Indian newspaper:

A restaurant in the southern Chinese town of Shenzhen, where seats are similar to toilets and plates are designed as commode, is gaining popularity. Known for its slogan 'dinning on a toilet', the restaurant is decorated to resemble big lavatories, with two big toilets at the front entrance.

Customers sit on toilet like seats which are covered with colourful glass. Glass-top dinning tables are shaped like squat toilets. Lin, the boss of the four-restaurant chain, got the inspiration to set up a "toilet-themed" restaurant after visiting an exhibition in Paris on toilets.

Labels: china, food, toliets

In an effort to drum up their customer base, The Biscuit Barrel of South Carolina wanted to add a new and revolutionary item to there menu.

“Basically the Turduckenrabpigbuffcowit is a combination of many different animals,” the owner of Biscuit Barrel, John Fingersworth told us, “It's a rabbit stuffed into a chicken, stuffed into a duck, stuffed into a turkey, stuffed into a pig, stuffed into a cow, stuffed into a buffalo... I think there's some venison in there tooo, but I don't remember where we stuffed that.”

Despite sounding delicious, the reaction to the new dish has not been positive from all. So far 18 Biscuit Barrel patrons have been hospitalized.

“We put that damn thing in the oven for 28 hours, and that damn chicken in there still didn't cook all the way. I don't see how that's my fault,” Fingersworth told us.

But not all of the 18 customers were put there because of salmonella poisoning. Three customers suffered what doctors have described as “instant clogged arteries.” Another two people were taken sick with polio.

“That's just dumb. You can't get polio from eating Turduckenrabpigbuffcowit. Everyone knows that,” Fingersworth assured us as he stirred a 52 gallon vat of grits, “That's just the hollywood lovin', blue state, liberal, pro-gay marriage, anti-KKK, Obama voting idiots trying to pin it on us true Americans.”

Perhaps it's for reasons like that the Biscuit Barrel is still featuring the Turduckenrabpigbuffcowit on their menu.

“We need something to set us apart from that lousy Cracker Barrel up the street, and the Cracker Barrel two blocks west of here, and the one down on maple, and the 32 locations they have on I-95.”

Fingersworth assured us no one else will be getting sick, as they are being careful to cut around the uncooked chicken parts.

Labels: blue state, cracker barrel, food

omiones announced late Thursday night at a midnight rally that they would be introducing a new pizza flavored pizza to replace
the current cardboard flavor.

Dominoes hopes this will increase their business to those who enjoy eating pizza.
Currently Dominoes customer base consists primarily of those who don't mind the taste
of frozen pizza, but are too lazy to put it in the microwave themselves.

If the new pizza goes well, Dominoes plans to introduce more varieties. Currently
under consideration are pepperoni, meatball, and mushroom to replace such current
favorites as pocket lint, paper towel roll, and ass.

Some are worried about the "New Coke" complex which might have some people miss the
old flavor, not caused they like it, but because they can't stand progress. We may be
seeing New Dominoes, Dominoes Classic, and D2 (The Low Carb Pizza).
No timetable has been set for the release of the new pizza as all of Dominoes'
marketing department are currently trying to work on a way of decreasing the size of
their pizza even more and still be able to call it 'large.'

Labels: dominoes, food, pizza