Tag Archives: simpsons

Another victim of sticking things up the nose. If you don't talk to your kids about it, who will?

Another victim of sticking things up the nose. If you don’t talk to your kids about it, who will?

It’s an occurrence that few will admit to. You pick something out of your nose, and then are surprised by the size of the booger you just pulled out. But no matter what you pulled or sneezed out, it doesn’t compare to what 51 year old Steve Easton found.

The story begins 44 years ago, when a 7 year old Easton was playing with some toy darts. Like any kid, he stuck it up his nose, because that’s what you would logically do with darts. After he pulling it out he noticed the suction cup was gone from the end. His parents rushed him to the hospital, but the Pre-ObamaCare doctors couldn’t find anything in his nose other than the normal things and sent him on his way.

Flash Forward to the year 2015 (I know, it’s 2016 now. I never claimed this was breaking news), Mr. Easton sneezes and “feels an uncomfortable sensation.”  Low and behold a tiny suction cup emerges from his nose.

Mr. Easton ultimately threw it away, which seems kind of odd to me, I always keep everything I find in my nose.



Category: Today, True But Dumb
It fits right in your pocket!

It fits right in your pocket!

Reader’s Digest is best known as the magazine that old people get roped into subscribing to by their grandchildren to support their school or something. It usually features articles about people you don’t care about (The Man Who Mixed Kool-Aid and Coke!) and jokes that are not particularly funny often stolen off of Twitter or Reddit.

But there was one day where the magazine saved my life. Well, it saved me from extreme boredom and instead gave me mild boredom.

It was back in a time known as the late 1990s. Bill Clinton was denying allegations of having sexual affairs, Home Improvement was the number one show, people knew who the Sneaker Pimps were and I was riding the bus to the mall.

At least I was trying to ride the bus to the mall. What was usually an hour long ride became much longer after the bus broke down half way there. Instead of sending an emergency bus to pick us up, they simply made us wait for the next bus that wasn’t scheduled to arrive for an hour.

How did one kill time in the days before smart phones and Kindles? You can stare out the window and watch the motorists laugh at the idiots without drivers licenses stuck on the bus. You can try to figure out the smell coming off the person sitting in front of you (Spoiler: It’s a combination of body fluids and White Castle).

Lucky for me, I didn’t have to settle for one of those two… or even resorting to conversation with people. Some previous bus rider had left a copy of Reader’s Digest in the seat next to me. Most likely it was left by a grandmother who just realized she was better off not helping a school raise money for new urinals than having to read that drivel.

I picked up the Reader’s Digest off the bus seat, being fortunate that I didn’t immediately catch hand herpes by touching it, and thumbed through it. There were the not so thrilling stories of survival, the unfunny jokes, the countless ads for old people drugs.

Up until that moment the everything I knew about Reader’s Digest came from The Simpson’s episode, Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington. Other than that, I assumed Readers Digest was just a collection of photos featuring people digesting food while eating.

But on this day I discovered Reader’s Digest’s true purpose: To keep you mildly entertained when there’s absolutely nothing else to do.

Category: Stupid



Here it is folks, the 13th hour, of the 13th day, of the 13th month.

This event only happens once a year, and not even that often.

-Some interesting facts about the month of Smarch:

-It’s a result of the misprinted calendars at Springfield Elementary.

-It only has 28 days, only one of two months to be so queer.

-In history, best known as the day that the Groundkeeper of Springfield Elementary school burned to death and seemed vengeance by going after children in their dreams.

-Don’t Touch Willie… Godd advice.

-The unofficial 13th month of the They Might Be Giants music service: TMBG unlimited, was released under the Smarch name.

– There are songs called “Lousy Smarch Weather” by two different bands, Dead Batteries and Your Black Star. I’ve never heard of either, and neither have you. But you can listen to one of them below via spotify:

Category: Today
"I think I wet the bed"

“I think I wet the bed”

This Sunday will mark the beginning of the 25th season of The Simpson’s. Some say that’s 15 years to long, and that some is most Simpson’s fans. But still, it’s quite an accomplishment, to celebrate here are 25 facts about America’s favorite yellow people (sorry Lego people).

1) It could of been a show about bunnies..

There are a couple of different stories about the exact reason The Simpson’s were created in a hurry. One is that Matt Groening thought the Tracy Ullman show wanted to do a cartoon about Life In Hell (his dark humor comic about rabbits living in L.A.) , but while be waiting for the pitch meeting he found out they wanted something orginal. The other story is he panicked while waiting that the cartoon would fail and didn’t want to soil the name of his rabbit characters.

In either case, he quickly drew the Simpson family and pitched that instead.

2) They are named after his family

When you create characters that fast, you don’t have time to get fancy with the names. Mr. Groening named them after his parents Homer and Marge, and sisters Lisa and Margret. This is no Bart in his family, but it’s an anagram for brat.

When it came time to give Grandpa Simpson a name, Mr. Groening left the room to let the writers come up with a name on their own. They came up with Abraham, which by coincidence is also Groaning’s grandfather’s name.

3) The first episode was not supposed to be the Christmas special.

Simpson’s Roasting Over an Open Fire was the first episode aired, but it wasn’t meant to. Originally the first episode was going to be the babysitter bandit episode, but the animation came back so horrible they had to redo almost all of it. It instead became the season finale.

You dial 9-1, and then when I say so, dial 1 again.

You dial 9-1, and then when I say so, dial 1 again.

4) There was almost a live action Krusty The Clown spin-off.

A script was written for a live action Krusty The Clown Show. The plot involved beavers trying to chew down a cabin he was in. Can’t imagine why it was never picked up.

5) Matt Groening’s name is on every episode but one.

Mr. Groening refused to put his name on the episode “A Star is Burns” because FOX forced them to do it as a crossover with “The Critic”. Despite Groening’s objection, the episode is considered a classic by most fans.

6) There’s a Futurama crossover coming up.

Even though Mr. Groening hated the idea of doing a crossover with The Critic, he seems to have no objection to an upcoming crossover with Futurama, another show he created.

An hour long  Family Guy crossover is also slated to run in 2014.

7) Lisa could of sounded like Bart

Nancy Cartwright originally auditioned to do Lisa’s voice. However, the powers that be decided she should voice Bart instead.

8) Conan O’ Brien still owes a couple of scripts

Mr. O’Brien was a writer on The Simpson’s when Late Night came a calling. He was still under contract with FOX though, and they did not want to let him go. He agreed to write a couple of more scripts in the future to fulfill his contract.  Twenty years later it still hasn’t happened.

9) Sideshow Bob has outlasted Frasier

Kelsey Grammer played Frasier Crane for 20 years, tying a record. But he also has supplied the voice of Sideshow Bob in 15 episodes over the course of 22 years. Who knows how much longer The Simpson’s will air, but could it be possible that one day Mr. Grammer will be better known as Sideshow Bob than Frasier?

I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

10) The Simpson’s channel… maybe

When The Simpson’s first came on in 1989, cable syndication wasn’t really a thing. The contract that was signed said the show could not air on cable TV until after it went off the air. Here we are 24 years later, and cable TV syndication has become a huge industry in itself, with shows like Family Guy and Big Bang Theory doing very well there.

It seems the powers that be may have finally come up with a solution though as the rumor is FOX is currently shopping around The Simpson’s to cable networks. While TBS, FXX (FOX’s new Comedy Network), Comedy Central or Cartoon Network could all be great fits for the show, another idea is a Simpson’s Channel. Considering there is 550 episodes, meaning almost 10 days worth of nonstop content, it doesn’t seem like it’s that big of a stretch.

Category: Today

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