Tag Archives: president

We all like to accuse Presidents of being lazy or not working hard enough (although, that stereotype should really be applied to our current congress), but just looking at these before and after pictures of Presidents shows what a horrible toll the stress of the job takes on these men:

09 - FDR

10 - Harry Truman 04 - JFK 03 - Ike 06 - Richard Nixon 05 - Honest Abe 02 - Slick Willy 01 - W 08 - Ronald Reagan 07 - Barack Obama


Pictures via Reddit user llahxam

Category: Today

lbjonphoneYou’re the president of the United States of America. The most important person in the free world. How do you take advantage of this power? By ordering pants directly from Joe Haggar, of Haggar pants, of course.

When you are ordering pants from Mr. Haggar, how do you describe how you’d like these pants? By using the descriptives of bunghole and nuts of course. Oh, and don’t forget to burp in the middle of the conversation for good measure.

All this was done by Lyndon Johnson, in a phone conversation preserved by American Radio Works. Here are some excerpts:

“And another thing – the crotch, down where your nuts hang – is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it’s just like riding a wire fence”

“See if you can’t leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.”

Mr. Haggar’s response to both of these statements? “Fine.”

It’s no wonder that ol’ LBJ lost so much support that his own party didn’t even support him for reelection, paving the way for Richard Nixon to become president.

You can listen to the conversation in it’s entirety on the YouTube:

Category: Today

Former green party member, current also-ran, Ralph Nader said he is considering a 2008 presidential defeat.

“I’m currently mulling it over,” Nader told us from his tree fortress, “Running an unsuccessful presidential campaign is hard work. But if the people want me to fail, I feel I have an obligation to do so.”

Ralph Nader has run for the last 24 presidential races, and has lost all of them. He is just three loses away from setting the record for most losses, a record currently held by former Met loser Anthony Young. Close friends of Nader have spoke of his desire to obtain the record.

“He use to want to win, but then he lost. So now he figures if he gets this record, it’ll be like winning,” Nader cohort Bushroot* told us.

Nader’s first election campaigns were carried out seriously, but after constant losing his views started to change. When Nader figured out winning was most likely beyond his reach, while losing most definitely wasn’t, his approach to running morphed into something more destructive.

To make sure the losing streak continued, Nader began implementing surefire ways to lose votes. During his last presidential run in 2004, Nader gave a few speeches wearing only a leather G-string, announced his support for interspecies marriage, and refused to appear on Bill O’Reily’s TV show because he wanted nothing to do with people that vote.

*A Darkwing Duck reference… sorry.

Category: Uncategorized

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