Tag Archives: nyc

b907b1_9e8b125bb4934b85bb6f69b3c7355933I remember when I was a kid and you could get a dozen donuts for $4. I also remember only getting five channels, having to hand crank cars, white powdered wigs being all the rage, the big bang, and the Alamo… but I’m getting off track.

Donuts are getting expensive. For example, a place in Brooklyn is selling a $100 donut. For your Benjamin you get a pastry filled with an ube moose and champagne jelly, Oh, and it’s also covered in 24kt gold. This isn’t your run of the mill Boston Cream (although I would prefer to eat a Boston Cream over this).

Now, of course no officer on a New York City cop’s salary is going to be able to afford this, but do not fret! You can get a dozen for just $1000! That’s 20% off. You can’t afford not to buy these donuts.

Manila Social, the eatery offering this donut just waiting to be sent to Cash4Gold, also sell Spam fried rice and Spam fries. Yum, maybe? They also have noodles with duck confit that I misread as Duck Confetti, which sounds a lot better, and messier, to me.

Before you rush to eat your $100 donut, think about saving it for dessert. For your main course I recommend the $69 hot dog.

Category: True But Dumb
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Mr. Horse, what are your feelings on the horse manure in the street issue?

Mr. Horse, what are your feelings on the horse manure in the street issue?

If someone were to ask you what Manhattan was full of, you might have a variety of answers. You could say annoying dirty costumed characters, Duene Reades, bad musicals based on bad movies. But what Manhattan is really full of is traffic.

Traffic isn’t a new problem in NYC, in fact it’s been a problem back to 1880. Back then it wasn’t car causing the congestion, but horses. Back then there were over 150,000 horses living in the city. In a time when busses, subways and yellow cabs were not yet annoying commuters, horses were the only way to get around.

This was thought to be a major problem. As the population of people in the city grew so would the number of horses. As more and more horses navigated the streets, New Yorkers began to wish they were congested. The horses left behind their calling card they all over. The streets, as one observer back then put it, “literally carpeted with a warm, brown matting.” The smell became unbearable. If you think the smell in New York now is bad now, you haven’t smelled anything. One expert predicted by 1930 horse manure would be piled up the the third story of buildings. On the plus side, it would have given King Kong something soft to land on when he fell off the Empire State Building.

Of course, the problem disappeared overnight with the invention of electric and automobiles. By 1912 cars outnumbered horses. Just five years after that the last horse drawn cart was put out to pasture, or turned into glue, whatever you do with old horses.

The only horses you’ll see in Manhattan now are giving carriage rides in Central Park to suckers tourists and when Sarah Jessica Parker is in town.


Category: Today

Yes folks, it does exist.

Hot dogs, $69 hot dogs… what kind of kids like $69 hot dogs? Rich kids, spoiled kids, even kids with credit cards!

If you had just been to Yankee Stadium, $69 for a hot dog might sound like a bargain. But this overpriced meat stool is not sold in the sport arena of the evil empire but rather in the heart of manhattan. Anyone who has ever visited New York City or watched the pilot of 30 Rock knows there’s a guy every couple of feet on the streets selling the mystery meat wonders for just a buck or two. So why is one Upper East Side resturaunt charge almost $70 for one?

First of all, this hot dog is no cocktail weenie when it comes to length, as it measures a foot long. Of course, just having a couple of extra inches of mechanically separated animal isn’t enough to justify the incredible price tag. For that you need to add duck foie gras, caramelized vidalia onions, heirloom tomato ketchup and of course mustard. The hot dog is grilled white truffle onion and served on a pretzel roll toasted in white truffle butter.

Now that your mouth is watering I’m sure you can’t wait to purchase this hot dog instead of the same priced Zelda: Skyward Sword with remote bundle you were saving for. You can find it at Serendipty 3, a small doll house eatery most known for their frozen hot chocolate.

If after your $69 beef log you are in the mood for dessert, don’t worry, Serendipty also offers an ice cream sundae for $1000, I kid you not.

Category: True But Dumb
Tags: , ,

Terror spread through the people of New York City again when terrorists once again unleashed an attack on the streets of Manhattan… kind of.

Using instructions that can be found on such terrorist friendly websites like youtube, terrorists were able to make an horrendous combination of Mentos and Diet Coke to cause an “explosion” of soda foam.

“Well, the streets kind of got a little sticky I suppose,” terror victim Joe Orsulak told us, “But then again the streets are always kind of sticky around here.

Officials took instant measure by banning all liquids and mints from the city of New York, even though only diet sodas can cause this “explosion”.

“It can’t hurt anyone to be too safe,” Mayor Bloomberg told us from his new solid gold throne he had built in Times Square, “if the banning of liquids proves to unsuccessful in stopping these attacks, we will simply have to ban people as well.”

Many New Yorkers passed out and and to be hospitalized due to dehydration causing some to question the liquid ban. Bloomberg and other government officials simply waved them off saying they were “unpatriotic, flag burning, Al Queida loving liberals.”

“I don’t really see what the big deal is,” onlooker Craig Montana shrugged, “You could pretty much get the same effect by turning on a garden hose.”

Category: Today

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