Tag Archives: mitt romney

You must be this tall to be president.

You must be this tall to be president.

It came out this month that New Jesey governor Chris Christie had weight loss surgery. This could be just for health reasons. But more likely it’s for his public image. Mr. Christie’s name often comes up in talks for the 2016 presidential election, but would the American public be willing to elect someone so round.

After all, Mr. Christie surely doesn’t want to be called an Washington Fat Cat and look like one too.

But would the American voter really vote for someone based on looks? Well, yes. Consider this: From 1916 to 1996 there were 21 elections. In 15 of those the tallest candidate won. In  two of them the candidates were the same height. Only four times out of those 21 times did a shorter candidate win.

The trend may have broken down though. In 2000, Bush was an inch shorter than Gore and lost. Although Gore did get more votes overall, so you can probably count that either way. In 2004 the democrats sent the towering John Kerry to run, and lost. Finally the 6ft 1 Obama beat the 5 ft 9 McCain in 2008.  But then in 2012 the taller Romney lost to Obama.

So has the American public stopped listening to their eyes and started looking with their ears instead? After all, every president before 2008 was white.

That answer is unknown at this point, but Chris Christie is 5 ft 11 inches and Hillary Clinton is just 5 ft 7 inches. Maybe Mr. Christie is betting on history.

 

Election Winner

Height Main opponent

Height Difference
2012 Barack Obama 6 ft 1 in 185 cm Mitt Romney[38] 6 ft 2 in 188 cm 1 in 2½ cm
2008 Barack Obama 6 ft 1 in 185 cm John McCain[39] 5 ft 9 in 175 cm 4 in 10 cm
2004 George W. Bush 5 ft 11 12 in 182 cm John Kerry[16] 6 ft 4 in 193 cm 4½ in 11 cm
2000 George W. Bush 5 ft 11 12 in 182 cm Al Gore*[8][40] 6 ft 1 in 185 cm 1½ in 3 cm
1996 Bill Clinton 6 ft 2 in 188 cm Bob Dole[41] 6 ft 1 12 in 187 cm ½ in 1 cm
1992 Bill Clinton 6 ft 2 in 188 cm George H.W. Bush 6 ft 2 in 188 cm 0 in 0 cm
1988 George H.W. Bush 6 ft 2 in 188 cm Michael Dukakis[42] 5 ft 8 in 173 cm 6 in 15 cm
1984 Ronald Reagan 6 ft 1 in 185 cm Walter Mondale[8] 5 ft 11 in 180 cm 2 in 5 cm
1980 Ronald Reagan 6 ft 1 in 185 cm Jimmy Carter 5 ft 9 12 in 177 cm 3½ in 8 cm
1976 Jimmy Carter 5 ft 9 12 in 177 cm Gerald Ford 6 ft 0 in 183 cm 2½ in 6 cm
1972 Richard Nixon 5 ft 11 12 in 182 cm George McGovern[16][43] 6 ft 1 in 185 cm 1½ in 3 cm
1968 Richard Nixon 5 ft 11 12 in 182 cm Hubert Humphrey[43] 5 ft 11 in 180 cm ½ in 2 cm
1964 Lyndon B. Johnson 6 ft 4 in 193 cm Barry Goldwater[43] 5 ft 11 in 180 cm 5 in 13 cm
1960 John F. Kennedy 6 ft 0 in 183 cm Richard Nixon 5 ft 11 12 in 182 cm ½ in 1 cm
1956 Dwight D. Eisenhower 5 ft 10 12 in 179 cm Adlai Stevenson II[43] 5 ft 10 in 178 cm ½ in 1 cm
1952 Dwight D. Eisenhower 5 ft 10 12 in 179 cm Adlai Stevenson II 5 ft 10 in 178 cm ½ in 1 cm
1948 Harry S. Truman 5 ft 9 in 175 cm Thomas Dewey[42][43] 5 ft 8 in 173 cm 1 in 2 cm
1944 Franklin D. Roosevelt 6 ft 2 in 188 cm Thomas Dewey 5 ft 8 in 173 cm 6 in 15 cm
1940 Franklin D. Roosevelt 6 ft 2 in 188 cm Wendell Willkie[43][44] 6 ft 2 in 188 cm 0 in 0 cm
1936 Franklin D. Roosevelt 6 ft 2 in 188 cm Alfred Landon[43] 5 ft 11 in 180 cm 3 in 8 cm
1932 Franklin D. Roosevelt 6 ft 2 in 188 cm Herbert Hoover 5 ft 11 12 in 182 cm 2½ in 6 cm
1928 Herbert Hoover 5 ft 11 12 in 182 cm Al Smith[43] 5 ft 11 in 180 cm ½ in 2 cm
1924 Calvin Coolidge 5 ft 10 in 178 cm John W. Davis[43] 5 ft 11 in 180 cm 1 in 2 cm
1920 Warren G. Harding 6 ft 0 in 183 cm James M. Cox[45] 5 ft 6 in 168 cm 6 in 15 cm
1916 Woodrow Wilson 5 ft 11 in 180 cm Charles Evans Hughes[43] 5 ft 10 in 178 cm 1 in 2 cm

Category: Today

Today is 12/3/12, there are 21 shopping days left until Christmas, 28 days left until 2013, and 18 days until we all die according to the Mayans. Here’s what’s going on today:

The Jokes:

Mitt Romney recently paid a visit to Disney World. He headed to fantasy land to pretend he was still relevant then got kicked out of the Hall of Presidents when he tried to debate the animatronic President Obama. On the plus size, Romney was the able to afford the large soda at the refreshments stand. 

The so called Fiscal Cliff is getting closer by the moment. I always thought the Fiscal Cliff was when that mailman on Cheers refused to buy his buddy Norm a beer.

Minnesota is letting people buy lottery tickets from gas pumps now. It’s hard to say whether it’s the gas or the lottery tickets are the bigger ripoff.

Missing Food:

American’s are still in mourning after the loss of Twinkies last month. But that’s the only snack we’ve lost over the years. Here are just a few more:

Jolt Cola 

Sure, you might think you still see Jolt Cola in the fridge at the local bodega, but that’s not the original real “x2 the caffeine” soda we used to know.

There was a time when Jolt Cola came in plastic bottles just like PepsiCola and CocaCola. Unlike the latter two though Jolt boasted it’s extra energy by claiming it had all the sugar and extra caffeine. Before a world of Monster Energy Drinks, Red Bull and 5 hour energy Jolt Cola was the favorite of self sleep deprived teenagers and computer nerd (it was even featured in the movie Hackers).

Jolt never had the success has pretty much any other cola on the market, but it had it’s loyal following. But that wasn’t enough for the people running the soda. When energy drink began becoming popular, Jolt tried to follow the trend. They redid their formula, sold the drink in bottles that looked like batteries and tripled the price. It didn’t work and the company folded.

The Jolt Cola you see on the market occasionally now is actually made by a completely different company who just purchased the name.

Surge Cola 

In the late 90s another soda claiming extra energy hit the market. Unlike Jolt however, it had the huge marketing power of creator CocaCola behind it. Also unlike Jolt, rather than a cola, Surge was a citrus flavored drink.

Even though I never appreciated Surge as much as Jolt it had the advantage of being on store shelves everywhere Coke was sold, which is pretty much just everywhere.

The drink only lasted a couple of years until CocaCola phased it out. However a few years later Coke introduced something called Vault, which claimed to have the power of an energy drink with the taste of a soda. Actually, it seemed to have the taste of Surge. Coke, like Jolt, must of thought there was opportunity to get in on the energy drink market and since they already had the recipe hanging around, they thought they could turn their past failures into gold. But they thought wrong, since Vault is now too defunct.

 Reese’s Bites

At some point in the late 90s candy companies decided everything had to be bite sized. M&M/Mars introduced their Pop’em line, where they took practically every candy bar they sold, broke them into bite sized pieces and stuck it in a resealable bag. Hershey did the same thing with their candies and called them Bites.

On the whole it was pretty unremarkable. Sure it was nice if you like scooping your candy into your mouth instead of biting pieces off it in bar form. I suppose that’s nice, but I don’t find myself to often eating something and wishing it was smaller and in little pieces.

Reese’s Bites was the exception however. The candy was little balls of chocolate with peanut butter inside. I enjoyed popping a few in my mouth at a time and then washing it down with a glass of milk. It was candy perfection. But like everything nice in this world, it ended. Hershey discontinued their Bites line, just as M&M/Mars would end their Pop’ems candies.

The world just wasn’t ready for tiny candy… until now.

Hershey’s has introduced their Mini’s line, included Reese’s Minis. Rather than being served as little balls they are now little versions of the shape of regular Reese’s Peanut butter cups. They’re not exactly the same but close enough.

 Bananas

I know this one is just confusing. You think Bananas still exist. Well, you are only kind of right. The kind of banana Americans used to enjoy was known as Gros Michel or ‘Big Mike’.  It was actually pretty much wiped out of the United States during the 50s due to disease.

Now we eat a less tasty banana known as the Cavendish and some people theorize that

disease may wipe out even this banana in the next 10 to 20 years.

All is not lost, as the Big Mike banana is still grown in some Middle American countries. Perhaps one day we will see it’s return.

 

Real Twinkies

You can a clock with it! The only think any of us ever got with a box of Twinkies was diabetes.

Speaking of bananas, while everyone in the country is overreacting to the loss of Twinkies this week, they are not even grieving over the loss of the real Twinkie.

When the Twinkie was first introduced in 1930 it was filled with banana not vanilla cream.  However during World War II bananas were rationed causing the need to switch over to vanilla. I’m not sure why bananas were in short supply, were we sending them to the troops? Using them to build aircraft carriers? Using them to fuel atomic bombs?

In 2005 Hostess temporally brought back the banana filled variant as a tie in with the newly released King Kong film. It became popular and by 2007 it was being produced permanently. Or least was until last month.

Any other food you miss?


Category: Today

The Jokes:

The Powerball lottery is up to 500 million dollars, AKA two Mitt Romneys.

According to a DNA test, Bigfoot is part human. The other part is total Bullsh*t.

Apple has fired the manager of it’s Maps app. Not because of his job performance, but because he stop showing up to work because his iPhone GPS couldn’t get him there.

15 Years Later:

There’s been a lot of stupid pictures on cheesegod over the last 15 years. Here’s some them (Click on pics for bigger/better view):


Category: Today

The Jokes:

John McCain has issued a statement admitting he was wrong in accusing the White House of lying about Benghazi. I wonder if John McCain gets tired of conceding to Barack Obama.

Locals have become upset about a ban on nudity in San Francisco. And I’ve become upset looking at the protest photos of San Francisco’s nudity ban. Geez, some people should be banned from being nude.

Mitt Romney was recently spotted pumping his own gas. Sure, now we’re probably all feeling bad for believing he was just like us, but realize this: He was filling up with Ultra Premium! That rich One Percenter! Just spending an extra 25¢ a gallon like it’s nothing. I bet he super sizes at McDonald’s too.

15 Years Ago:

All November we are remembering the past 15 years of our existence by reposting our favorite crap.

Today’s post is from October 5, 2006. Remember that day? Wow.

NADER CONSIDERING 2008 LOSS

 green party member, current also-ran, Ralph Nader said he is considering a 2008 presidential defeat.

“I’m currently mulling it over,” Nader told us from his tree fortress, “Running an unsuccessful presidential campaign is hard work. But if the people want me to fail, I feel I have an obligation to do so.”

Ralph Nader has run for the last 24 presidential races, and has lost all of them. He is just three loses away from setting the record for most losses, a record currently held by former Met loser Anthony Young. Close friends of Nader have spoke of his desire to obtain the record.

“He use to want to win, but then he lost. So now he figures if he gets this record, it’ll be like winning,” Nader cohort Bushroot* told us.

Nader’s first election campaigns were carried out seriously, but after constant losing his views started to change. When Nader figured out winning was most likely beyond his reach, while losing most definitely wasn’t, his approach to running morphed into something more destructive.

To make sure the losing streak continued, Nader began implementing surefire ways to lose votes. During his last presidential run in 2004, Nader gave a few speeches wearing only a leather G-string, announced his support for interspecies marriage, and refused to appear on Bill O’Reily’s TV show because he wanted nothing to do with people that vote.

*A Darkwing Duck reference… sorry.

Watch This:

I’m not one for reality TV or anything on Tru TV and the fact that there is a show called Killer Karaoke makes me think that they’ve really run out of ideas. However, this clip from the upcoming show does not disappoint:


Category: Satire, Today

Socially Awkward



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