Tag Archives: hot dogs

895806_10200706204113972_1419076241_oIf you are a middle aged, middle class, or like that ABC show In The Middle, you probably shop at Costco. Costco is that wonderful place where mayonnaise comes in 8 gallon jugs and the aisles are decorated like that warehouse where they put the Arc of The Covenant at the end of Indiana Jones.

Here are 5 things to learn about that place:

1) Costco’s quarter pound hot dog and soda with free refills for $1.50.

In 1986 Costco starting offering a deal at their food stand for a Hebrew National Hot Dog and refillable 12oz Coke for a buck fifty. In the many years since then while prices for everything else have gone up, the price of the hot dog combo deal has not.

It hasn’t gone completely untouched though, a few years ago Costco replaced the hot dog with it’s own Kirkland brand dog. The soda actually got bigger, it’s now 20oz. And now some shoppers are upset that coke is being replaced by Pepsi in some markets. Although, to me that’s an improvement. I’d being willing to pay as high as $1.55 for that.

2) Costco’s CEO is a good guy.

In a world filled with evil big business CEOs sitting behind their gold desks trying to think of ways to oppress workers while petting their cats named Pretzel (or at least that’s how I picture the owner of Walmart), it’s nice to know not everyone is a douchebag.

After President Obama proposed raising the minimum wage to $9, Costco CEO and President Craig Jelinek came out in forward to it. He called it good for both businesses and workers. In fact he went as far as to say that $9 isn’t enough, that is should be $10.

To prove he’s not just talking jive, all staff at Costco currently starts at $11.50.

895818_10200706102031420_711243873_o3) Why is the damn Milk Jug so weird looking?

Because he’s easier to stack and ship that way… idiot. This reportedly saves Costco millions a year. If you take a look around the store you’ll notice many other containers are also given a more rectangular shape so they can ship easier.

4) Toys are desperate to be sold by Costco

The toy section at Costco is smaller than the area reserved for windshield wiper fluid, but that doesn’t stop toy companies from desperately trying to get their products on their shelves. Each toy company has to pitch their product to Costco, explaining what they are planning on they will make their product better for Costco than they do for other stores.

Costco team of toy experts than put each toy through a number of trials before finally only a few wind up on the shelf.

5) You can use the Pharmacy or buy Liquor without a membership.

If you getting your prescribed pimple medication from a giant warehouse, but can’t afford the $60 membership you are in luck. Because it is apparently against the law to require people to join a club to get drugs, you do not need a membership to use the pharmacy at Costco.

Also, if you prefer to get your buzz on from alcohol instead, you are in even more luck. At least you are if you live in Arizona, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Indiana, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, New York, Texas or Vermont. In those states no membership is required for you to get your discount vodka.

Again, this supposedly due to wacky state laws forbidding memberships for booze. It’s you’re right to get drugs and beer without a membership.If you want to add in that 4-pack of Kirkland socks you better be ready to show that membership card.

 


Category: Today
Maybe the most ridiculous thing to happen at Ebbets Field was the Mets

Maybe the most ridiculous thing to happen at Ebbets Field was the Mets

There are two things going on today: April Fools Day and Opening Day for most of Major League Baseball. When trying to decide which would be better to post about, I figured why not combine the two and talk about the most ridiculous opening day in MLB history.

It was April 9, 1913, almost 100 years ago, and the grand opening of the now defunct Ebbets Field in Brooklyn, the brand new home to the Dodgers (before they moved to Las Angeles).  Fans began lining up early to get their seats on this historic occasion. And they waited, waited and waited. It seems the superintendent had forgotten the keys to the stadium at his house and couldn’t open the gates.

Eventually an official returned from rushing home to get the spare key to the stadium and let the fans in.

To be fair, in 1913, this would of been enough to buy a gallon of gas.

To be fair, in 1913, this would of been enough to buy a gallon of gas.

Although delayed, fans were happy once the band began playing signaling the beginning of the flag raising ceremony. Unfortunately, another delay surfaced when owner Charles Ebbets halted the ceremony and got down on his hands and knees to look for fifteen cents he had dropped in the grass behind second base. The inventor of the hotdog, Harry Stevens, who happened to be walking with Mr. Ebbets for some reason, offered to help look for the change. Mr. Ebbets refused, worried that the wiener pioneer would keep the change for himself if he found it first.

Eventually the ceremony proceeded, at least until they got to the flag pole. When Mr. Ebbets asked his aide for the flag, the aide responded, “Sorry, Charlie, we forgot the flag.”

 


Category: Today

Yes folks, it does exist.

Hot dogs, $69 hot dogs… what kind of kids like $69 hot dogs? Rich kids, spoiled kids, even kids with credit cards!

If you had just been to Yankee Stadium, $69 for a hot dog might sound like a bargain. But this overpriced meat stool is not sold in the sport arena of the evil empire but rather in the heart of manhattan. Anyone who has ever visited New York City or watched the pilot of 30 Rock knows there’s a guy every couple of feet on the streets selling the mystery meat wonders for just a buck or two. So why is one Upper East Side resturaunt charge almost $70 for one?

First of all, this hot dog is no cocktail weenie when it comes to length, as it measures a foot long. Of course, just having a couple of extra inches of mechanically separated animal isn’t enough to justify the incredible price tag. For that you need to add duck foie gras, caramelized vidalia onions, heirloom tomato ketchup and of course mustard. The hot dog is grilled white truffle onion and served on a pretzel roll toasted in white truffle butter.

Now that your mouth is watering I’m sure you can’t wait to purchase this hot dog instead of the same priced Zelda: Skyward Sword with remote bundle you were saving for. You can find it at Serendipty 3, a small doll house eatery most known for their frozen hot chocolate.

If after your $69 beef log you are in the mood for dessert, don’t worry, Serendipty also offers an ice cream sundae for $1000, I kid you not.


Category: True But Dumb
Tags: , ,



he Mets have had it hard this month, losing all but two games. Actually, the Mets have had it hard this year, so far having experienced a worse record than last years disappointing season. Come to think about it, the Mets have had a disappointing century. Since losing to the Yankees in the 2000 world series they’ve yet to regain entry to the playoffs nor even have a winning season during the last three years. You know what?
The Mets have sucked ever since they first picked up a bat in 1962.

But, now 42 years and a Joe Orsulak later, the Mets are appearing to take action.
They’ve already announced the termination of current manger Art Howe and all his
coaches. The Mets are hoping to negotiate a deal with Lou Pinella, who’s proved he
can manage a losing team just as well as any ex-Mets manager can while with the Tampa
Bay Devil Rays.

But Mets are not stopping there. The Mets have fired Howe, but the Met’s are still
losing despite this (granted, that even though Howe was fired he still is managing
the team for some reason). So who else can they blame. Armando Benitez? Nope.
Already traded him the the Marlins where he’s having an All Star season. Maybe Bobby
Valentine? No, wait, he was the manager that Mets fans hated and demanded he be fired
despite actually producing a winning record with the team. Mo Vaughn? Good try,
Although he’s still on the payroll, Vaugn hasn’t actually played a game in over a
year due to being too fat to fit into his hummer and drive to the game. href=”http://www.news-leader.com/today/0921-Halftonman-183461.html”>You may have read
about him in the news recently
. So who else? Mel Rojas? John Rocker? Dallas Green? Choo choo Colemon? Tim McCarver? George McClevane? Steve Phillips? Bob Apadaca? George W. Bush? Nope, all gone… well not Bush… yet… I don’t think we can blame this one on him anyway. Maybe Michael Moore can find a way.

There is one group of men who has stayed with the Mets throughout these losing times.
Are you thinking, “Owner Fred Wilpon, his idiot son in the front office, and Jim
Duquette the GM who traded away all of the young promising players for a beef
burrito?”

Nope, wrong! Then who? The Hot Dog vendors of course! Those damn people who walk
past you at the stadium every two seconds screaming, “HOT DOG! HOT DOG HERE!” It’s
there fault!

The Mets philosophy of the week is that the players won’t play well unless the fans
are cheering them on. The fans won’t cheer them on if they’re unhappy with there hot
dog service. Of course the Hot Dog vendors will argue that the reason they no longer
receive cheers is because most fans stopped showing up months ago and the few that do
show up have nothing to cheer about. Many fans don’t even buy hot dogs because they
can’t afford the $5 price tag after paying $50 for their ticket. Excuses, excuses.

So, as announced last night to distract the press from the Mets losing a game to the
last place Expos, all Hot Dog guys will be terminated at the end of the month. Mr.
Met, you’re next!


Category: Satire
Tags: ,

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