Category Archives: True But Dumb

Sandra Bullock in the film Gravity.

Sandra Bullock in the film Gravity.

Once you become an expert in something, it becomes harder to enjoy works of fiction that have to do with it. For example doctors can point out everything wrong with medical dramas and aliens have a hard time enjoying Third Rock From The Sun.

So when Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson saw the space drama Gravity this weekend, you know he would have some issues. He made sure to let all his twitter followers know:

He starts off innocently enough with this tweet:

The film #Gravity depicts a scenario of catastrophic satellite destruction that can actually happen.

But he quickly follows up with these problems he found:

  1. Mysteries of #Gravity: Astronaut Clooney informs medical doctor Bullock what happens medically during oxygen deprivation.

  2. Mysteries of #Gravity: Why we enjoy a SciFi film set in make-believe space more than we enjoy actual people set in real space

  3. Mysteries of #Gravity: Satellite communications were disrupted at 230 mi up, but communications satellites orbit 100x higher.

  4. Mysteries of #Gravity: Nearly all satellites orbit Earth west to east yet all satellite debris portrayed orbited east to west

  5. Mysteries of #Gravity: Why Bullock’s hair, in otherwise convincing zero-G scenes, did not float freely on her head.

  6. Mysteries of #Gravity: Why anyone is impressed with a zero-G film 45 years after being impressed with “2001:A Space Odyssey”

  7. Mysteries of #Gravity: When Clooney releases Bullock’s tether, he drifts away. In zero-G a single tug brings them together.

  8. Mysteries of #Gravity: How Hubble (350mi up) ISS (230mi up) & a Chinese Space Station are all in sight lines of one another.

  9. Mysteries of #Gravity: Why Bullock, a medical Doctor, is servicing the Hubble Space Telescope.

  10. The film #Gravity should be renamed “Angular Momentum”

    11.  The film #Gravity should be renamed “Zero Gravity”

Mr. Tyson watching out for badasses.

Mr. Tyson watching out for badasses.

Mr. Tyson does end by saying he did like the film and, channeling Mr. Wizard, a couple of experiments one can try at home:

  1. Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall — scale reads zero

  2. Cool Experiment: Poke a hole anywhere in a paper cup of water. Drop cup. Water, while weightless in free fall, stops spewing.

  3. My Tweets hardly ever convey opinion. Mostly perspectives on the world. But if you must know, I enjoyed #Gravity very much.

Category: True But Dumb

The Jokes:

President Obama has coined the term “Romnesia”. Mitt Romney responded that Obama was clever, but not Barack-et Scientist.

Scientists are predicting another warmer than normal winter for much of the country. They are also predicting Republicans to continue to live in denial of global warming, using the excuse: “It’s just hell heating up extra hot to get ready for all those Obama voters.”

I plan on voting from Green party canidate Jill Stein. That way when Hillary Clinton gets elected in 2016, I can tell people I was voting for woman to be president before it was cool.

Flaming Hot Cheetos causes orange waste:

Discolored turds or not, they are delicious.

Parents are up in arms again. But this time it’s not because of South Park poisoning their children’s TV experience, or Eminem ruining music, Lance Armstrong’s doping  demonstrating poor work ethic or even a gay telitubbie.

Nope, now it’s Flaming Hot Cheetos. Not since the ol’ razor in the apple routine has our children’s safety been so threatened by a snack item. Only this time it doesn’t just simply cut the insides of your mouth and throat up, no it’s far worse. It’ll turn your stool red.

Parents all over the country have running to the hospital after finding their kids’ poop had turned red. Of course “running” is probably a poor choice of words. Let’s face it, if your kid eats enough Flaming Hot Cheetos to turn your fecal colors, the last time running was involved was the last time the Good Humor man rode by.

Doctors are furious at the snack, since discolored stool is most likely not covered by most health insurances. Parents are wasting doctor’s times much like how they waste our time by leaving us in waiting rooms with 8 year old issues of Horse Illustrated. Doctors are afraid if patients start thinking they can waste their time like they waste ours we might start thinking we equal to them in the occupation caste system.

Schools have joined the fracas, many banning the powdery delicacy.  I’m not sure why. Is the school looking our children’s crap? Or is worse than I originally feared? When I was a kid we’d eat different colored lollipops than show each other are newly colored tongues. Are children these days eating weird foods and then showing their orange colored turds to each other?

What will become of this issue? Why has neither the President nor Govener Romney addressed this yet? Why wasn’t Orange Colored Turd the name of Snooki’s autobiography? Will I just end this article with a series of questions that will probably never be answered?

Watch This:

A collection of the worse answers ever said on a gameshow.

Category: Today, True But Dumb

The Jokes:

Scientists report in 5 million years that the sun will burn out. At least we finally know when the Simpson’s will end.

Mitt Romney is now considering raising taxes. At least he’s consistent being inconsistent.

Mumford & Son’s new album outsold new CDs from both Green Day and No Doubt proving only old people still buy their music.

MyStub Hub Story:

A more efficient way of selling a ticket.

A few weeks ago I bought a ticket to see Adam Ant at the Best Buy Theatre in Times Square for this past Saturday night. Yeah, I know Adam Ant. Don’t judge me. They don’t let him out of the insane asylum to often, so this might be a once in a lifetime chance. Plus the show sold out, so think whatever you want about my music tastes, but at least I’m not the only one.

About a ten days ago I realized I couldn’t make it. So I decided to try Stub Hub. I have never bought or sold tickets via their site (in the past I’ve used eBay, and had no issues) but thought it was worth giving a shot. I like giving everything a shot, that’s why I got married after all.

I listed my tickets and on the morning of 10/3 at 12:30am I got an email stating my ticket sold (at a nice profit of $20 to boot, now I can afford that Kirkland jug of mayonnaise I’ve had my eye on).

I printed up the FedEx label conveniently provided by Stub Hub and shipped out the ticket to a person willing to spend $70 on a mentally unbalanced up new wave artist.

On 10/5, the day before the show I receive an email from Stub Hub declaring the order to have been cancelled. No reason given. Doesn’t matter that my ticket was already shipped and out of my hands. They did let me know that they were going to have the ticket resent to me, of course it wouldn’t be arriving until 2 days after the show. Not a big deal though, right? Who buys tickets to actually use them? I like to just buy them to hang on my wall and look at them.

So of course I emailed them back asking for an explanation. How did they respond? They told me I was supposed to have shipped out the ticket by 10/2, so the buyer had the right to cancel. Interesting, considering 10/2 was the day before the ticket sold. Unless I’m Doc Brown (the scientist, not the soda brand) I don’t see how that’s possible. Hell, if I was Doc Brown I’d go back in time to the 80s and see Adam Ant in his prime and then cruise for chicks in my kick ass DeLorean.

Now I’m even more ticked off. I respond pointing out how they’re nuts, and the whole thing is a scam. But I’m contempt with it. Even though I’m out $40 I decide to chalk it up to life experience. Lesson learned: Make sure you don’t buy a ticket unless you can be sure you can use attend and, more importantly, don’t use Stub Hub.

But, surprisingly enough, about 2 hours before the show was going to start I get a phone call from a person at Stub Hub personally apologizing for the mix up and they were going to give me the full amount the ticket sold for.

Now, of course, it would of been better for their not to have been a screw up in the first place. Their excuse was kind of dumb, they blamed it on a time zone difference. But I’m still impressed. It is rare for a company to admit they were wrong and make good.  So Stub Hub, I salute your customer service. Now, let’s see if their are tickets for Bananarama for sale…

Watch This:

Another Gangnam Style related video. May I present to you, Mitt Romney Style:

Category: Today, True But Dumb

I know what your thinking. How can something looking this appetizing not sell well?

The internet was alive with the sound of pork product being pressed into the shape of ribs this past month as McDonald’s announced the triumphant return of the McRib for a limited time. There’s a lot that can be said about the McRib, like how it contains over 70 ingredients or how it became popular thanks to The Flinstones, but what about all the other past McDonald’s products that have passed? Don’t they deserve a chance to return? Here’s a look at couple of products that could be next to start lines to rival those of the next iThing.

1) The Hulaburger

If Ray Kroc, the man responsible for turning a small burger joint owned by two brothers in California into the leading cause of obesity amongst poor people, had his way the Hulaburger would be on every McDonald’s menu across the country and the Filet-O-Fish would never have crawled up from the sea.

In the 60s Ray Kroc was making millions, but that wasn’t enough. Catholics didn’t eat meat on Fridays and would have to visit other cruddy restaurants like Long John Silvers or even stay at home and eat something healthy.  The solution? Kroc wanted to grill a slice of pineapple and put in on a bun.  He called it the Hulaburger.  Lucky for McDonald’s corporation/Ray Kroc/People with taste buds local franchise owner Lou Groen realized this was a horrible idea and recommended the Filet-O-Fish instead.

Kroc challenged Groen to a contest to see wich item would sell the most. Obviously the Fish won and the Hulaburger went extinct.

2) Arch Deluxe

It’s funny how despite being number one in their field, companies still tend to panic and make drastic changes. Like how Coke completely changed their formular in the 80s after being scared enough by Pepsi’s taste tests despite being number one in the cola market for about a hundred years straight. Or, how Netflix decided to jack their prices up 60% than split their business into two confusing and enraging all their customers to a point where they lost massive amounts of subscriptions. Luckily McDonald’s brash decisions was nothing quite as destructive, although it did cost them 300 million dollars in wasted advertising and research money.

In the mid 90s McDonald’s felt it was getting pigeon holed as a place for kids. Their mascot was a clown and their best known product was the Happy Meal. Fearing losing out on Adult customers, the ones who have the money, they introduced the Arch Deluxe. The Arch Deluxe had spices and a sauce made of mayonaise and ketchup… you know, the things adults love.

But the biggest factor in the Arch Deluxe’s demise may have been the marketing. The advertisements featured kids professing how much they hated the sandwich, even calling it “yucky”. As I’m sure you know the best way to advertise anything is to have people talk about how they don’t like it. And even better, have the demographic that you believe is the biggest part of your customer base bash it.

Don’t feel to bad about McDonald’s losing the 300 million though. I’m sure they just sold another billion burgers and made up for it.

3) McPizza

Now that both 7-Eleven and Subway is selling Pizza it is not surprising that the world’s largest fast food restaurant also tried to do so.

The McPizza was sold at apparently 500 locations before  they gave up. But if you really want to try a slice there is still one location in Orlando, Florida that sells this abomination. So next time you are in Orlando forget Disney or Universal and make sure you check out this real attraction.

4) Everything else

There have been a ton of other failed/discontinued McDonald products ranging from hot dogs to Michael Jordon burgers to the McSoup. Who knows they will fail with next? Only time can tell. I’m hoping for the McFried Twinkie myself.

Category: True But Dumb

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