12/4/12 – Fiscal Cliff For Kids!

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The Jokes:

The New York Times reports that there is a record amount Carbon Dioxide Emissions in the air. Scientists are blaming the increase in hot air on the recent election.

Millions of Facebook users were disappointed after following a user who claimed to have the winning Powerball ticket. People lie in the internet? Jeez, what are going to tell me next? McDonald’s is bad for you and Linsay Lohan is a drunk.

The first text message was sent 20 years ago this month as a Christmas greeting. It is reported to have read: “Merry Cranberries”, followed by the second text message: “Christmas! Stupid autocorrect!”.

The Fiscal Cliff:

Unlike the Mayan predicted end of the world, The Fiscal Cliff is coming. When the clock strikes midnight on December 31st we could be in for the biggest New Year scare since Y2K. But what the hell is the fiscal cliff? Well you could read up on it on the news, but instead let me explain it like you are an 8 year old.

Imagine your parents are fighting. They have not been spending their money wisely and have racked up huge credit card debt. They know they have to do something about it, but what?

Dad wants to kick your older brother Joey out of the house and to stop paying for his college education. He also wants to stop paying to take you and your older sister to the doctor and let you two pay for it yourself, even though you only make a small amount from your paper route each week and can’t really afford it.

Meanwhile Mom thinks instead of cutting those expenses they should get more money instead. She wants for you and your sister to give some money you and your sister have been making towards the expenses of the house and since your sister makes more money than you she should have to pay more. Also Mom doesn’t think the house needs such a fancy security system and money could be saved by getting rid of that.

So here’s the real problem, they’ve been having that same argument for a long time. And they finally agree that on 1/1/13 that they’ll take more money from you and your siblings, stop paying for health care for granddad and get rid of some of that security system.  Since they both don’t want this to happen they think this will motivate them to come up with a better idea. Except now it’s December and they still haven’t.

The fiscal cliff will increase taxes on everyone by an average of $2,000 per family, take away huge amounts of money from programs such as  medicare and defense, create 2 million more unemployed people while ending benefits to many who are already unemployed, send the US back into recession and, rumor has it, kill a small adorable puppy.

The real truth is that while these horrible things might happen,  it wouldn’t be total disaster all at once. Many believe it should rather be called a fiscal hill because rather than falling straight off the cliff to our horrible death it will instead be a slow descent to horrible torture. The bright side of this is that there will be time to slam on the brakes and shift into reverse before things get too terrible.

 Watch This:

Don’t you hate when you’re playing the crane game and you just can’t get that prize you want. Those damn things are rigged I tell ya’.

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