12/18/2012 – Items Not On Your Amazon Wishlist

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The Jokes:

Instagram has made their new policy look like crap, just like it does to your photos.

Facebook plans on rolling out video ads on their website. Annoying, yes. But on a website full of Farmville requests, misspelled words, pictures of pets and people complaining about sports, it’s just a drop of water in an ocean.

Experts say milk may go up to $6 per gallon. I’ll have to go back to drinking gas.

Items Not On Your Amazon Wishlist:

Amazon’s wishlist feature is a great way to send strong hints to your friends, family, secret Santa ans stalkers for gifts. Of course no one has bought me the Segway I put on my list 6 years ago yet, but for the most part it works.

While you can find lots of stuff at Amazon, some may argue you can find too much. Here are a few items you will probably not be putting on your wishlist:

 

A bunny even Lenny wouldn't pet
A bunny even Lenny wouldn’t pet

Whole Rabbit Carcus

Looking to buy a fresh dead rabbit? Amazon is your place to go. Perfect to eat or wear to the local cult ritual. If Elmer Fudd had internet access he could of saved himself so much trouble.

Government Geiger Counter

Hey, want to have some fun? Buy this handheld meter used to measure radiation and a hazmat suit and head down with both to the local Arby’s. Their might be better ways to have fun with your $900, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head.

One Fine Cock
One Fine Cock

Chicken Diapers

 

Have you yet to potty train your chickens? Are you sick of trying to get your chickens to wear Huggies? Who isn’t. Thank god for Amazon. These stylish chicken diapers are a lovely red with white polka dots. Hell, I think they look so great I put them on my chicken even though she is potty trained, they’re just that great.

Testicles

Okay, they’re not real testicles. I’m sorry to get your hope up. I’m sure there are many democrats reading this right now disappointed they can’t finally get some balls. These lovely plastic testicles can be used to train people how to do medical exams. Even though the $96 price tag pay seem a little steep, it sure beat the tradition two ping pong balls in a sandwich bag.

 

From the writer of Crocheting with your pubes.
From the writer of Crocheting with your pubes.

Knitting With Dog Hair

 

My dog sheds everywhere. Who knew that all that hair could have a use. I could be making mittens and hats with it instead of the chest wig I had been making. Yes, the cheapest copy of this book is currently $190. But in the long run you’ll be saving money by not having to purchase all that name brand dog hair socks and coats.

 

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